i’m listening to… little wings’ black grass album. (coming out next week).
i’ve spent the last few days in seattle. i feel positively drained. been spending a lot of money on [really awesome] food… but it feels weird. i’m not stressed about money in the immediate now, but i probably should be, considering i have a couple weddings coming up and bullshit like that. argh. as of today, i feel crazy. i think in the near-ish future, i will no longer really have reason to visit seattle. it is dawning upon me that i only have a couple friends here we i give any of a damn about really, so what’s the pppppppoint? i’m certainly glad i moved away. hands down the best decision i’ve made in the recent memorable past. and while i am ever missing seattle — the city — all the time, everything else is complete and utter whatevers.
i feel thoroughly and completely alone. alone alone alone! alone.
i’m sitting in yunnie’s.
i am thinking back on the times i was here, nearly a decade ago…
after at least four revisions of this same store, i am occupying the same space but it is a completely foreign entity, with completely foreign people. it was only a decade ago, but it was three or four lifetimes ago, a memory, so far gone. unknown. i don’t trust this feeling of existing…
oh but what else.
i’m wondering what i’ve found.
and if it is to be trusted.
all that i see –
all that is a part of me,
turns into the past eventually.
little wings – how come?