A bit of personal difficulty lying in this – in that, I remember from previously, that I fucking hate Sasquatch – and secondly, that this assignment seems most peculiar in its form, the fact that it is less about writing than it is about photography, that it is less about music than it is about the crowd-going public. Strange to me, interesting in some sense, but not in as much of a sense as I’d like, and I have to wonder why, considering the sociological component of music being so generally important to me. I can suppose only that I am being elitist in my choice of sociological crowd that interests me – that these people aren’t deviant enough in an obvious way so therefore they bore me, even when they are clothed in all psychedelic threads and are perhaps not being ingenuine in their desire to make an event out of it because certainly not everyone is encompassed in a life surrounded by so much music as I. How very elitist of me to take them at face value and not suppose that they have deeper interests at work! And how short-sighted, considering those individuals who save these days for a personal catharsis are perhaps more fascinating than my counterparts who strike me as comforting because they are the same. I understand the counterparts because they are more similar to me; I misunderstand and midjudge the concert-going public for I know not who they are. And I am realizing now as I am writing this — that it is unbecoming of me to become bored of these environments because of assuming that I understand people whom I do not know, understand their interests or their desires towards inebriation, so complete, in so public a setting. I suppose also that it is partially my awkwardness as well, my being forced to socialize when I would rather avoid, and the life of a photographer is rather an isolated one, I suppose, though there is a temporary community that springs up in places such as this because we are all in the same boat, all traveling by ourselves, all isolated in our coverage of the same things. I wonder, then, if today will be different. Yesterday was as the above. It is currently 9:08am on Sunday, day two of the festival (for me, at least; it is day three by general standards), and I am to turn in my assignment soon. I am not the most thrilled for in honesty it has been much time since I have bothered with concert photography. But today I will have remembered some things I had forgotten or not bothered to think of yesterday, and perhaps today’s assignments will be much more compelling of a work, hopefully, I hope. In addition to that, I hope to dose today, perhaps, for Little Dragon’s set. We shalt see-eth. But oh yeah, quick note about yesterday — most of the acts were remarkably boring, which probably also led to my general ugh-ness. I am much more thrilled about today’s lineup, which is funny, as I was talking to two individuals who basically said that the entirety of today was a wash, when today’s lineup is almost entirely comprised of the bands I want to see of the weekend. The next question is whether I want to stay tomorrow night to see Beck close out the evening — for it is probably sure to be amazing yet I have a four-and-a-half hour drive ahead of me tomorrow evening and generally don’t care — but then again… I missed out on the last acts of previous years, which included Ween and Massive Attack, and greatly regretted it, and I suppose the chance to actually see a last act for once, because it is at my own disposal, should perhaps be taken because it may never be taken again? Decisions, decisions. Surely if it were not just I, the decision would be much easier. I have just eaten a pack of surimi which was sitting in the car all day yesterday. Hopefully I don’t get sick, or hopefully I do and it’s funny! Who knows! Almond milk drinking time!
moving on up, with HARDWARE!
got virtual dj working, with my new midi controller, AND for video projections, too. i am so fucking excited. the rig is ghetto-ish to begin with, doing it partially on my computer that kind of has a broken screen — but man. it’s just the beginning of rad radnesses as far as i am concerned, and i am fucking stooooooooooooooooooooked. also with so much multimedia and photo stuff coming up — covering sasquatch this weekend is going to be almost entirely photo-driven — and the cafe documentary and kickstarter… it’s almost like the universe is TRYING to make me a public figure, or at least one that interacts with people more. i find that all of these awesome opportunities are forcing me to put aside any self-consciousness (there’s no time) in pedal to the metal type of creation and change. thus far, if things are going the way they seem to be going in trial runs — all seems well.
haha.
ugh does this blog really out google rank redefine when you search for my name? i think it does. that’s embarrassing. my full name isn’t even written on here! how do you know you sneaky internetz?!!!
deep breaths.
holy crap, this week is like insane with potential. these weeks are like my most outwards-facing weeks ever.
may 17th > first day of shooting for making my first ever documentary-type piece, for cafe au play.
may 18th to 19th > covering siff (not that out of the ordinary).
may 23rd > interview @ a local radio station about redefine.
may 25th > my first dj gig ever at holocene’s happy hour.
may 26th to 28th > potential to cover sasquatch for purevolume (?)
may 30th > video at gardens & villa and swahili show.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah so public, so public!!
i feel that i am destroying something sacred with my honesty and lack of understanding, misthinking that the degree if strength and confidence people possess is not always what they show on the surface — or that confidence is itself so nuanced a thing that where one can be confident in general, may not be in all aspects. my lack of confidence has led to speaking to him about unhappinesses, which in turn have led him to worry and lose confidence. it’s like a self-perpetuating cycle, of which i have decided today is [hopefully] in my power to stop… for i do not want it like this, did not know he would be so shattered in this arena, did not realize that i acted the confident part because i was the more confident part. how i wish these days to hold my tongue, and i am now, in this moment, going to do so…
gongzuo gen nanpengyou yi wai wo zai xiang wo shi shei ne? xiangzai zhiji hao mi ren. meiyou naozhi, zi you huenluan! yi tian dao wan.
humorous.
humorously, it is as though the coming of the supermoon has coincidentally stirred within me a new spirit of sorts! it is crazy that is has been a week already; it seems as though it was only just yesterday. things are picking up speed, moving quickly, moving fast…!
just wrote an intro for a mixtape imma do for redefine… kinda to practice out my djing skills (borrowing a midi controller and using virtual dj for now) and kinda just to do… this description more or less sums it up right now, though! glad to have all my ridiculous thoughts out of my head without destroying my relationship in the process!
The evening of May 5th, 2012 ushered in notably massive full moon — a supermoon, it was termed — which swelled in the sky briefly like a great wave the celestial body itself regulates. It beckoned for attention and turned even most grounded glances slightly skywards, to remind them, if even for a mere second, of what lies beyond. As I am a Sagittarius, the full moon came with an astrological significance marked by the shedding of secrets and laying of all concerns out into the open. This expectation became not merely hypothetically true, but functionally true, with the next day seeming like a clean slate, a notable turning point of mood and of sense. It seemed as though finally, in late spring, I had awoken from the dreary heaviness of a never-ending winter. This mixtape is a celebration of that shift in energy from listlessness into all things pleased, expansive, and energized.
man i sucking at coming up with post titles lately.
just looked in my queue and saw the past eight posts or so don’t have that, ha!
in the meantime, at troy’s coffee shop, and it is cold, but he makes a freaking killer strawberry honey steamer. SO GOOD.
had to create a dj pic for my shit. i hate that crap! started learning ableton yesterday. oh my.
og and caption: “our only healthy self-made meal…………….. avocado, tomato, spinach, garlic salt sammich. so good. taken by jeanette.” (this was from burning man.)
i understand the struggle,
feel the pulse of breath under the moonlight
and the stars pulling in from edges
of great canopies like maps
twisting in from — and out towards
decisions one can’t make,
spiteful of fading mysteries,
curious of what futures bring
and ambling
up to mountaintops of might and will
down to valleys of guilt and tragedy, still
present here
present here
present here
until words bring floating spirits
soaring concepts twisting to altercation,
fine young wrinkles
with possibilities towards permanent etchings.
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