deep breaths.

holy crap, this week is like insane with potential. these weeks are like my most outwards-facing weeks ever.

may 17th > first day of shooting for making my first ever documentary-type piece, for cafe au play.
may 18th to 19th > covering siff (not that out of the ordinary).
may 23rd > interview @ a local radio station about redefine.
may 25th > my first dj gig ever at holocene’s happy hour.
may 26th to 28th > potential to cover sasquatch for purevolume (?)
may 30th > video at gardens & villa and swahili show.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah so public, so public!!

man i sucking at coming up with post titles lately.

just looked in my queue and saw the past eight posts or so don’t have that, ha!

in the meantime, at troy’s coffee shop, and it is cold, but he makes a freaking killer strawberry honey steamer. SO GOOD.

had to create a dj pic for my shit. i hate that crap! started learning ableton yesterday. oh my.

og and caption: “our only healthy self-made meal…………….. avocado, tomato, spinach, garlic salt sammich. so good. taken by jeanette.” (this was from burning man.)

portfolio cover.

for job interview tomorrow. new energies.

also, this morning after the crazy man:

getting back into j-pop and k-pop big time, in preparation for my upcoming dj gigs. hahahahahahah i have dj gigs! back when i used to want to be a dj that was a thing. anyway. this is funny to become one without caring. settled on calling myself dj vVv.

click for full-size, mothafucka!

new!

(the old one, again)

in preparation for uploading a boatload of videos, i am going through old data. a lot of old data. ahhh yes, so there was a time when i actually enjoyed photography… i sometimes forget about this now, but i guess i’ll upload some pictures tonight if there are any worth upping.

i feel at least slightly better today. existentially, i have been mourning a part of myself that is found in the wake-sleep state, which had powers i had learned to harness so well last year. being in a relationship has rendered that next to impossible… but i’ve gotta find a way back to that. maybe more meditation. i am not sure… but this problem is persistent, and it’s not just “alone” time i need, but alone time with uhhhh like, my higher self, or my subconscious self, or whatever or whoever that is. i just enjoy sinking into the depths of the subconscious, is all… it’s where all my good ideas have ever come from… and i would like very much to return there.

today, i feel comfortable with patience… .. . life-long patience. more being in the present.

onto pictures and videos for the day. <3

urgh, too lazy to sort through pics. videos only. digging through these files has digged up a bunch of other shit. i am a madwoman! the past is the devil!

wait, pic of the day… poster i made for the g&v and swahili show. <3 colors might change still but this is the initial.

Now continued in the car, after plenty of rumpus time! Oh much improved, I feel like a reinvented human being after being able to sleep properly and be able to discuss the issues that have presently been eating up my psyche. Currently on the way from Las Vegas to Reno; it is an eight hour drive, which at this point feels like next to nothing, considering our 24-hour session yesterday, towards the end of which I began to go absolutely insane…! I swear, had the drive been an hour more, I may have started getting stabby (as I jokingly conveyed to the others).

Anyway. Back to Tara’s reading. Where to begin. I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit in the moments between wake and sleep on this drive. It felt a bit rushed really because she was needing to go back to her house, but she took fifteen minutes or so to give me a reading. This morning, she texted Troy to have him tell me, “Viva La Revolucion,” adding that I would know what it meant. Do I know what it means? Only kind of, maybe. It is interesting, though, that she told me towards the end of my reading basically that I would be involved in some kind of demonstration of some sort, involving a beautiful painting or street art and acting or something, and that it would look like a temple, with me in it at the center. From afar, I would look painted like the temple, like part of the temple; from the side, those approaching closer would realize I was a regular person. I don’t know what kind of demonstration that would be for, but it’s interesting considering what Ashlyn had said about me joining some group – the more “scientific” group – in activism-type activities. I can’t think of anyone, really, including the G&V person I was originally thinking about, who would be particularly activist-oriented, but I suppose that all depends on what the future holds, as we are all constantly evolving…

While she was talking about that painting and visual art aspect, she was like, “You’ll be a great painter or artist… but also a rockstar! Let’s not forget rockstar!” and it was definitely funny, for obvious reasons. She soon continued, saying, “Wait, what do you do in the band?” and I said, “I don’t play in any bands.” And she was like, “Whew, I was only saying that because I didn’t want you to feel like what you were doing musically was a failure; actually, I didn’t see anything related to music at all!” HRMMMM!

Themes reoccurring in this reading that aligned with those of the past reading included the idea that I was really old, and really deep… she kept saying that I was really deep, like a well, and older or with more dignity than anyone my age was that she had seen. She also said that I had a duality to me – a part of me that was deep and really extremely wise, and another part of me that was a modern lady. At that point she asked if I was some sign that had the doubles – I think she meant Pisces – and I said that I was not, and that I was Sagittarius, which she was too. From that regard, I think maybe it is more the Sagittarius-Cancer dynamic that brings out dualities in me… though I didn’t say that…

From the beginning, she said that Troy hadn’t actually told her anything related to us, but that she felt like there was a lot of tension, a blockage of some sort that was very temporary, but was straining the relationship. She suggested that the two of us take two weeks to be completely alone – and I said that that would be possible for me but not really possible for him because of his work schedule. She suggested maybe a week, then, or as much time as possible that we could spend together without the presence of others. It makes sense, maybe, if it is with regards to repairing things. I think even last night the opportunity to be alone for an evening was extremely helpful… with regards to our relationship I feel like things have been always very obvious and “duh” – except when it comes to how others relate also to the situation. She also reassured me that the first two years are the hardest, and that it will become way easier as time goes on.

I told Troy last night that if the Burning Man grant the others applied for comes through this year – to build a giant pyramid on the Playa – that I probably wouldn’t do it anywaty. It seems like too much commitment for me, and I feel like I have more important things to do at this point in my life. I also would rather spend that knid of vacation time and energy in other places. In terms of them, I would even hope they would take the time to say fuck it to Burning Man and use that time and energy on their music; I feel like they have so much they could do and that the time Burning Man happens is ever so crucial… but it is not my decision to make, and I guess it all matters what will happen with the grant itself…

Anyway. Back to the reading. When reading my palms, the first things she said was that I would have two kids. This was very obvious. And they would be very close in age. This was also very obvious. This – in terms of number of kids and their ages – also aligns with Ashlyn’s reading. “Don’t worry; it’s not soon,” Tara made sure to say. Moving on, she said that I loved in the same way that Troy loved – that when I love someone, I really LOVE that person, and that in my life, I will only truly love one person. The thing shat she said she has never seen in a palm is that I will find the person that is my perfect love and we will get married and never divorce. We will grow old together. And I will live a long life without too many health problems. She said, “I’m sorry; that must sound really boring, but that’s just the case,” and I was like, “Are you kidding? That’s like the best thing ever.” Haha. And she said, “Well, I guess that just shows what kind of person I am! I am engaged and already looking for a way out!” And I laughed, and she said that it wasn’t really a joke, and that she always had a back door plan just in case because she is just a “free” person. She also said that she had cheated on the guy a couple of times – and that he knew it – but that she hadn’t done it in two years or so, and that she loved him, ultimately. I guess her and her fiancé dealt with cancer at year four though they are now on year eight.

There may be other things. I will fill them in later, or I will not! In any case, just ate a whole fucking box of Reese’s Whoppers earlier. Great combo! But probably should not have been done, in any case.

Added 2:23am, April 10th, 2012…
Something that was pretty interesting that she said was that it was okay for me to be passionate or something (in sex) — and that sometimes women are more passionate than guys. Struck me and stuck with me, for sure.

I am at the home in Las Vegas where Troy lived from the age of 13 to when he moved to Reno in his early 20’s. It’s interesting being here, and it has been a fucking hell of a trip this past two weeks. I’m not sure where I am mentally right now, but… Troy’s step-sister Tara was here earlier. She said she had been thinking about him a few times in the past couple weeks which basically meant that he was perhaps going through some difficulties that would later work themselves out. She pulled him aside to a private room for a second when I first arrived, just to tell him something very quickly. I’m not sure what..

Troy insisted that she give me a reading. What she reads are moods. She told me that she felt that there was something going on between Troy and I that was perhaps due to stress because of someone being tired, but that I was really hard to read and she could not figure out exactly where the stress was coming from or why, but that she felt it would work itself out soon and that all would be fine. Said that she felt that he loved me very much, and that I was very good for him – almost in a nurturing, motherly way – though he may sometimes say and do things that make that seem to be not the case. Continued later.

IN CONTRAST TO LAST YEAR’S THIS TIME OF YEAR THIS YEAR’S THIS TIME OF YEAR IS THE SLOWEST EVER.

LAST YEAR’S THIS TIME OF YEAR = INEXPLICABLY AWESOME AND EFFORTLESS.
THIS YEAR’S THIS TIME OF YEAR = INEXPLICABLY SLOW AND DIFFICULT.

FUCK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
COMPARISON NOTES.

LAST YEAR’S THIS TIME OF YEAR (AND EVERYTHING WAS TRUE), HOROSCOPE FOR FEBRUARY 2011 =

You will love February! It’s a strong and sturdy month that will allow you to make exceptional progress. There will be a remarkable stack-up of planets in Aquarius, including Mars, Neptune, the Sun, and new moon on February 2, sure to get your spirit soaring.

One day later, Mercury will enter Aquarius too, and Mercury, the planet that naturally rules your career, loves to be in that sign, for when there, Mercury is considered “exalted” – the very best place for Mercury to be. Jupiter will be in a position to help Mercury by the end of that week, February 4 and 5, so it’s clear all kind of good news is about to come barreling toward you quickly, dear Sagittarius!

Can you believe it, you will have a total of five heavenly bodies in Aquarius, all air signs, plus Saturn in air sign Libra makes six out of ten in air. Wow, that’s great news! Air signs make your fire element burn more brightly! What’s MORE special is that Jupiter will be in fellow fire sign Aries in perfect angle to your Sun, a huge boost to your confidence and health, and for getting outstanding, rare help from VIPs. In February, you will look, sound, and feel your best, and that says to me that others will respond to you in a very positive way, too. This is your month to make your mark!

You will notice a new feeling in the air as soon as the month begins, at the new moon, February 2. January had focused you on matters related to money, taxes, and earning and other related financial matters. You may have had talks or negotiations lately, and if so, you will be ready to finalize deals in early-to-mid-February.

With so many air planets circulating about, prepare for a deluge of phone calls, emails, and hastily arranged meetings. Your mind will crackle with ideas, and each one will lead you to the next, all very do-able and likely praised by management and clients. February will be an exciting time, for sure! You will be “in your element” and feeling that everything is going your way.

Travel is a strong possibility this month, whether close by early in the month, in February sometime between 2 and 21, or a more distant trip near the full moon, February 19 plus or minus five days.

Sagittarius loves to travel, so this should make you feel excited about all that’s to come. If you do travel early in the month, it may be to see a cousin or sibling, a good time to connect. Your love aspects are beaming brilliantly too, something I will talk more about later in your report, but suffice to say, in early February, Cupid will be behind every tree, bush, and building, waiting to pluck his arrow toward you! Look your best, even when running errands in your neighborhood or visiting close by locations out of town.

If you write, speak, lecture, edit, or do advertising or publicity, this month will shout out your name. You will have plenty to do, that’s for sure, but it looks like you’ll love the work you do. You may have a document, manuscript, or thesis to hand in, or a speech to give. Your name will be “out there” and others will come to you for your opinions.

Planets in Aquarius are all about networking and connecting, so you may be working on your Facebook page or learning Twitter. Or, you may be going to a tradeshow, convention, or conference and mixing with lots of new faces. You may be doing things on a big scale – redoing your company’s website, reporting news on the upcoming fashion shows in New York, Milan, or Paris – or as an individual, simply changing your profile on social media and perhaps uploading some photos. In astrology, you can always do things on a scale that makes sense to you.

Planets are stacking in futuristic Aquarius, and also suggest that digital media will be in the forefront of your mind. You may be ready to “Q and A” (test) a new software program you wrote, start drug trials on a new medicine, launch a new phone app, or see your book come out on Kindle. Alternatively, you may be working on a community, charitable, not-for-profit humanitarian goal, as Aquarius also rules this area of life. Are you a massage therapist, work at a spa, or do astrology? Aquarius ALSO rules these areas. If any of these areas are important to you, you will do doubly well.

FULL DETAILS.

ACTUALLY, THAT POST IS PRIVATE, AS IT HAPPENED TO BE MY MOST ROMANTIC CONVERSATION EVER (AT THE TIME), WITH TROY ONE. AT THIS POINT IT’S NOT THAT PRIVATE TO ME ANYMORE SINCE IT IS NO LONGER A THING, SO HERE’S A PART:

V: Sounds like a plan, stanley .
T: For the last time, call me stan!
T: Going to bed you sultry strumpet. I’ll miss you in the morning and in between.
V: Haha you made me laugh out loud with the stan comment. Adorable. Miss you! Sleep wellishly!
T: Brilliant! Sleep wellishly too, when you decide to sleep!
V: Never! By the way these feelings are totally weird but just rolling with it . Haha
T: Weird feelings are the best feelings, and rolling with them is the only way to go about it. I’d kiss you were you here! Goodnight!

THIS YEAR’S THIS TIME OF YEAR (AND EVERYTHING IS TRUE), HOROSCOPE FOR FEBRUARY 2011 =

and it has become harder to get decisions from higher ups. You may have blamed this loss of momentum on the year-end holidays, but that was not the reason. Mars, now touring your tenth house of career fame, honors, and achievement, went retrograde on January 21 and will remain out of phase until April 13.

Even before Mars shut down for a rest late last month, he began to move ever more slowly during December and January, so you will have to be patient. You may see progress in early March, so don’t let up on efforts. You may have to push yourself more to keep motivated, but you do have a good chance of seeing success. Forward ho! Keep those wagon wheels rolling.

If you need a good day for a career effort, choose February 24-28. On Friday, February 24, you will have Jupiter to help you give a fine presentation or interview for a new position similar to the level of the one you had before. Or, if self-employed, you would be able to generate new business on Friday, February 24. (If you work weekends, then by all means, pitch over February 25, your best day.) For negotiations involving large sums of money, choose February 28 when Pluto will signal the Sun.

Early February might be a good time to take a little vacation. The full moon will light your ninth house of distant travel (Leo, 18 degrees) on February 7, so you may leave earlier in the week and be returning home from an exciting location within five days of the full moon. There is nothing like a long trip to put the bounce back in your step! Alternatively, you may finalize a deal with a foreign company, or you may be taking steps to go back to college for an advanced degree. Other matters may be taken care of now too – you may get a passport or green card, or you may finish jury duty. If you work in the media, you may get your book published or an important segment readied for broadcast. Lots of positive things will be happening within four days of February 7.

If your birthday falls on December 9, plus or minus five days, you will benefit most from this lovely full moon, or if you have planets in Sagittarius, Aries, Leo, Gemini, Libra or Aquarius at or very near 18 degrees.

Let’s look at your outlook for romance this month, which seem to have had more twists and turns than a best selling spy thriller. First, the eclipses have had an enormous influence on your love life (or, a business partnership). The first test to your partnership came December 21, 2009, the second one on June 15, 2011, and the third on December 10, 2011. If your birthday falls December 10-23, then you felt one of these eclipses; if your birthday falls in November, you may have noticed changes near November 25, but the eclipse that fell on that day was a positive one that brought opportunity, while the others were more emotional dates, because they were full moons. Depending on what happened as a result of all those eclipses, you may be happy or not-so-happy about love, but in any case, things will improve for your love life in time.

As said earlier, Mars is now retrograde, and Mars is the natural ruler of your fifth house of new love. (The fifth house also rules pregnancy and creativity, so in all these areas, there appear to be delays.) With Mars now looking back, not forward, until April 13, you may see your new relationship stall a little, or you may deliberately slow it down if you feel you’ve pushed it forward too fast. If you want to have a baby, the new moon at the end of the month might trump the retrograde Mars because it is so very fertile – a Pisces, Taurus, and Cancer new moon are often the very best for conception.

Sometimes a retrograde planet will bring a change of mind, so with Mars retrograde in your new love sector, you may decide this person is not for you, or conversely IS for you, despite previous doubts. Still, you need to go slowly. I would not want you to move quickly with the ruler of your house of love in retrograde. Mars rules the expression of physical affection, and so this month and next, you might find that your chemistry together is lacking or completely off. It is also possible that your new love has to travel for work, so you may not see one another at all, and that’s fine – actually, that would be a good manifestation of Mars retrograde.

The happy part about February is that Venus will be in Aries, a fire sign that blends divinely with your Sagittarius Sun, from February 8 to March 5. Venus is not an assertive planet, as Venus teaches the wisdom of sitting back and letting others come to you. This is how Venus got the reputation of being the so-called “lazy planet” – she teaches never to get desperate, to give admirers room to decide they cannot bear to be without you and come to you. Venus will help you use your considerable powers of attraction to bring the right person to you. From February 8 onward, it would be a great time to upgrade your appearance by changing your hair, buying new clothes, and for women, choosing new makeup colors.

If you have no one to love, you have the perfect day for a surprise, chance meeting on February 9, when Venus and Uranus will meet in your fifth house of true love in the adventuresome sign of Aries. This day will be charged with fantastic electric energy! Look your best!

Then, on Valentine’s Day, February 14, lucky you, the moon will be in Sagittarius, favoring you above all others! I like this day because during that entire week, Mercury will be so chatty with other planets, in the most positive way. Mercury rules your seventh house of close, serious relationships, which, of course, includes your spouse, or if dating, the possibility for engagement and marriage.

Here is what is happening that week, and keep in mind there is always an aura around the dates I am giving you, so don’t get stuck on one day. You can add a plus or minus of at least one day. (If you live in Asia, Australia, or other time zone that is 12 hours earlier than the US, then add one day. For example, in Australia, my mention of February 13 becomes February 14.)

February 13: Mercury will combine forces with Neptune, exuding a beautiful aura, just perfect for a week that holds the day for lovers, February 14. (This would not be a day to sign a contract but for love and romance, it’s divine.) On the same day, Saturn will work with Mercury too, so promises in love will be promises kept.

February 16: One of the most wonderful days of the month, when Mercury joins Jupiter, your ruler, in the most optimistic, expansive, happy day to make an agreement or a promise. Give this day three gold stars. Remember, you will feel the growing energy of this day on February 14. You may get an outstandingly generous gift on February 14, 15, or 16. Could it be a diamond?

Now, let’s talk about your home and family situation, which is about to become a huge hub of interest in weeks, months – even possibly years to come!

This month, on February 3, for the first time in your life, Neptune will move into your fourth house of home and is set to stay for fourteen years. Neptune has not been in Pisces since 1847 to 1862. Neptune rules creativity, so you may now become very interested in interior design, art history and furniture design, architecture, home textiles, landscaping, or other elements of home design. It may start with a redo of your apartment or house, and your interest may spread to a desire for an entire career in this area. Or you may be ready for a career switch and have always wanted to delve into this area. If so, Neptune will help give you the inspiration you need to be a success.

For now, you will need to make absolutely sure you have flood and other water damage or gas insurance for your home, whether you own or rent. This is a long trend, fourteen years, and when Neptune shows up, he will want to bring the sea with him into your house. Keep him out. Make sure your windows have secure, tight gaskets around the edge of each window so that the rain can’t ruin your floors. With your aspects, never leave a window open when you go out, and especially when traveling. Change your fire detectors so they’re up to date, with fresh batteries and the newest model, and make sure it has a CO2 detector feature too.

Ask your plumber to check all the pipes in your house to be sure they are in good shape. Once, when I was having my bathroom painted (I love to have my rooms painted frequently), my painter told me one pipe was in bad condition. I immediately invited my superintendent up who said – “You have hours, not days. Call a plumber NOW!” The plumber came later that day, and as he looked at it, it fell apart in his hands by barely touching the pipe. Fortunately, the water was turned off when this happened.

It may not be wise to buy beachfront property in the coming fourteen years. In the future, whenever Neptune will be visited by an angry planet, you could have water-related problems. At the very least, ask neighbors when the last time there was a bad hurricane or other natural disaster that could bring heavy water damage to your neighborhood. Check the safety of the well water, to be sure there are no problems with toxicity. By taking these simple steps, you can keep yourself safe.

Still staying with the topic of home, now let’s look at the month’s beautiful new moon, which just brims with real estate opportunity for you! If you were thinking about moving, you will have one of the best new moons of the year to help you. If you need support from your family, it just might be there if you ask for your favor after the new moon appears.

This home and family-related new moon will appear on February 21 in Pisces, 3 degrees. This new moon is very sweet. It will be in ideal angle to Jupiter, your ruler (which is very significant, for it means this new moon can help you in a bigger way than other signs, because Jupiter is your guardian planet). If you hope to list your house for sale, I would do it beginning February 21. Don’t wait to do so next month, as Mercury will retrograde from March 12 to April 4, not a time to make any important actions. If you act now, keep in mind that Jupiter usually brings money with him wherever he goes – you could make a tidy profit.

Saturn will be very comforting on this new moon February 21 too, which suggests that if you sign a lease or close on a house anytime within a week after this new moon arrives, you are likely to love your decision for many years into the future.

There is one day I just love for you, for home, real estate, or family-related actions, and it is February 25, when the Sun and Jupiter will be in perfect sync. This is a four-star day for signing a lease, closing on a house, assigning contractors, or even for having a party. If you have to make a decision for a parent who needs your assistance, do it on February 25. This works both ways – a parent may be helping YOU. Jupiter is currently visiting your house of work-projects, so if you want to set up a home office this month, I think that’s a great idea. Aim to have it open for business by Saturday, February 25.

There is one more excellent day, when Pluto in Capricorn in your money and wealth house signals the Sun in your house of real estate on Tuesday, February 28. Again, it looks like you’ll have negotiated a good deal, and it would be a perfect day to take action on any sort of home or real estate decision, including the rental of a summer cottage.

Recently your career has picked up speed, and you’ve moved ahead of the rest as one to watch. You will be getting a number of impressive offers, and you may find it to be a bit bewildering to be fussed over. Yet despite your professional popularity, you have yet to find the perfect situation so you may feel in a kind of limbo, not sure which way to go and waiting for the right position to come up.

This will keep up for a while because this condition is related to Mars being retrograde since January 23. The full moon that will occur next month on March 8 may bring talks to a final stage. If not, you will have an even better chance to see things reach a pinnacle point in May or June. Be patient. Once Mars turns direct on April 13 you will see a much brighter professional picture emerge. There is a good chance you will hear upbeat news as soon as next month, however, on or near March 8, the full moon in your professional sector. If you do have an interview, you will need spectacular aspects to help you push things forward – you’ll have that on February 15 and 16 when Mars and Jupiter collaborate. It’s a dazzling two days!

In the meantime, you will be working on projects that you enjoy, and those assignments will have the power to lead you to bigger and better things. Watch what occurs on February 24-February 25 when Jupiter will contact the Sun – the new assignment that comes up could be lucrative and prestigious. Give it all you’ve got!

If you need to ask for a raise, you may want to hold off. Saturn will go retrograde February 7 (and you are already too close to this date as you start the month) and will turn direct June 25. Wait until June or July to ask for best results.

Nothing lifts your spirits quicker than getting a chance to travel, and the full moon, February 7 plus or minus four days, could bring an exciting trip. Because full moons bring things to an end, you may be finishing up a trip at this time. You may travel to view property to buy or rent, visit family, or go for a quick vacation. Although it’s less likely you’d travel for business, either way would be productive and you’d be able to get agreement on the order.

The new moon February 21 will inspire you to make beautiful design changes to your home or outside, to your garden or other landscaping. Neptune, the planet of imagination, will enter Pisces and your home sector for the first time in your lifetime on February 3, to stay for a staggering fourteen years. This is a big trend, and one that may bring your talents for home decorating to new heights, possibly talents you never knew you had. A lucky break could occur in regard to real estate at anytime in the week that follows the new moon, February 21. Within that two-week period that follows the new moon, your best days will occur on February 24-25, or when Pluto speaks to the Sun, February 28.

One word of warning: Neptune is associated with water, and because this planet is setting up shop in your home sector until 2026, it would be advisable to have flood insurance as part of your renter’s / home owner’s insurance package. Guard against any type of water problems, in the full spectrum, including mold, tainted drinking water, leaking roof, or flooding in the basement, as a few of many examples. It’s a protection you may never need, but will be so happy to have if you ever do.

Romance should sparkle brightly! You are one of the most favored of all signs for love! Venus will enter Aries, showering your romance sector with radiance, from February 8 to March 5. Wow, that’s almost all month! One most special day to circle in gold will be February 9, when Venus will link to Uranus, and a chance meeting could happen right around the corner.

Your most romantic dates: February 9 (gold-star), 10, 11, 14, 15, 16, 19, 23, 24, and 25.

You may travel far and wide February 7, plus or minus four days (or be returning then!)

Home and family goals will get a big push at the new moon February 21, plus two weeks.

Neptune will move into Pisces on February 3, 2012 and stay fourteen years. Neptune will encourage your artistic expression at home, in regard to home decorating or architectural design.

Guard against Neptune’s propensity to bring floods or other water-related problems to your home or other property by having the right renter’s or homeowner’s insurance policy now and in the coming years.

Venus in Aries is a wonderful placement for you to encourage new love or enjoy present love, February 8 to March 5.

Watch February 9 as a standout day for romantic experiences! Circle it!

Saturn will go retrograde from February 7 to June 25, not the time to ask for a raise. Wait until late June or July.

A lucrative new project may come to you February 24-26. It could be a big one, thanks to the help you’ll be getting from good fortune Jupiter. Jupiter’s your ruler, so this is worth more to Sagittarius than most other signs!

As for romance, it is good, though there are no extended chat sessions to save and share But it is just as cheesy. But it really is getting me down majorly that “work” is really sucking some major ass and things (decisions from higher-ups, seriously) are SLOW AS FUCK. Planning the SXSW showcase last year was the easiest thing on the planet; this year it is the most frustrating thing ever, and that’s with an already wildly successful show under the belt. Last year was complete bullshit that turned into awesome; this year is awesome that is slow to become. AGHHH! I am losing my mind editing videos all day and not enough of other things! I will be glad when all of this is done tomorrow, when it will be thrown out to a crowd of 300-something-people at Holocene, for all to see. Oh man. I am a little nervous, to be sure, as I don’t actually have much in the way of how do you call it, technical skill, but have a vision, I guess.

And one last note.
I LOVE ALDOUS HUXLEY.
I LOVE ALDOUS HUXLEY.
I LOVE ALDOUS HUXLEY.
I LOVE ALDOUS HUXLEY.
I LOVE ALDOUS HUXLEY.

If ever I have a child, he or she will be named Aldous — or Huxley… it’s almost impossible that it won’t be the case. The man is a genius. When I am finished with my first book, the next will take the ideas of Huxley and turn them into a curriculum of sorts. What is the point? What is the point, indeed. I don’t know or fucking care, but I know that I want and want and want to do it. I can’t even begin to explain accurately the way I feel about Aldous Huxley, but let’s just say that reading Huxley’s work, I feel I am reading thoughts from my own mind. Perhaps I am not so great as him, but he is balance; and I read now that his entire mantra, specifically towards the end of his life, was balance — balance between the inner and the outer worlds. And to most people that makes no sense, but it makes so much sense. And his book, Island, supposedly a counterpart to Brave New World, is about utopia rather than dystopia, and it is a tract, rooted in data, rooted in experience, for how to reach utopian society. I must read this book, and I must read it soon. What am I doing? Who knows. What do I want to do? WRITE BOOKS. MAKE VIDEOS.

For the first time since I’ve moved to Portland, I am leaving to go on vacation for a month, and I don’t want to sublet my room. Certainly I could use the money. Certainly. But I am wary of my space being defiled, for once. What changed? I don’t know, but it seems for once that I want to have my space be my space. Hrm. Most interesting. Had another bizarre dream last night as well. I don’t know what is going on with my subconscious.

to fill in the gaps! before the gap!

i’m listening to… little dragon’s ritual union album.

beginning tomorrow morning, when i awake, i will no longer be speaking, for an entire month, until february 22nd.

why am i doing this, why am i doing this, why am i doing this? the inevitable question.

there are a few reasons, but most simply, i’ve been wanting to do it for more than a year now, since i met jonny and he was taking a vow of silence. jonny is in florida now — he moved there — and we have exchanged a message each, and i’m popping one in the mail tomorrow. it’s funny; i had vaguely liked him (mostly cause he is kind of the most attractive dude ever) but anyway, lots of stuff happened, and then i wrote him about all the things that happened, and he told me he had just always assumed i had had a boyfriend though he had never explicitly met a boyfriend of mine. i found that completely bizarre, and don’t really understand why he would think such a thing… but anyway…

as for reasons!

on the more personal end:

{1} i’m curious if i can even do it. it is going to require an intennnnnse amount of self-control, and i’m not *entirely* sure if i have that kind of self-control. it’s interesting, actually, i don’t usually feel like speaking all that much, in general, and very rarely around big groups of people… but now that speaking is actually “at stake,” i keep getting these urges to speak! it’s insane! i woke up this morning and the first thing i wanted to do was talk, but i didn’t even have anything i really wanted to talk about… it was just the act of doing it, now at stake, that called for itself to be exercised, trying to assert to me that yes, indeed, it would be missed!!!!!!!!!

{2} i kind of have a problem, in general, with people speaking too much. i wonder if this practice will make me more tolerant of people who speak a lot, or if it will be the opposite.

{3} i would say it would grow my listening abilities, but i honestly think i’m pretty good at listening, already…

on a more external level:

{1} i’m curious how this will change people’s reactions to me.

{2} i wonder if this will make people consider how much they talk.

{3} i wonder if people who spend a lot of time with me will spend less time with me.

{4} ?????? there are a bunch more; i just can’t think of them right now really!

but yeah. if i do make it, it should be interesting. as far as i am concerned, it’s like an altered mind state… but absolutely free, which is just wonderful!

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IN OTHER NEWS.

i found someone’s check on the side of the street the other day and mailed it back to the guy whose address was on it. got this back today…

(the top picture also features this awesome cow glass roxanne bought me for christmas. the cow on the handle, man. it’s all about the cow on handle.)

also, more generally, i got a message from someone named daniel. i think it was after he found my social experiments website. i’m not going to copy and paste the whole note, but partially…

i made a new bookmark folder for you. its called ‘fun’. thanks for that. i’ve now added fuckyouverymuch.dk to it which is simple but neat and is kinda the same category but totally not.

pretty awesome. i love random emailssssssssssssss! it is also simultaneous madness and awesomeness that you can hold onto all of your email now in such a concrete manner……………………!

what else. i met up with gabe downtown to try and pitch him an art show, but unfortunately they’re full-up for the year (unless i plan a one-off event rather than an installation). but whatever. i guess i will just make the thing myself and get it installed somewhere after i make it. hopefully i don’t go insane making it and?? storing it in my house?!!!!??!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?! i need a studio! except i’m too fucking poor!

the oregon jung society has this awesome ass lecture series coming up. february’s events are these, and i wrote them about getting a press pass, because with the way the influences on redefine are turning out, relating that information back to arts with an article seems like a great idea…

February 17 and 18, 2012: Jane Zich
Exploring the Visual Language of the Unconscious
The realm of psyche is immeasurably great and filled with living reality. -C.G. Jung
In her lecture, Jane Zich will explore the “living reality” of the psyche as evidenced in the visual language of the unconscious that emerges in depth psychotherapy, dreams,
films, and extended active imagination processes. She will use paintings from her Vision Journey series — an image-mediated dialogue with the unconscious that has spanned seven years — to illustrate how recurrent cycles and shifts in imagery suggest a purposefulness in the visual language of the unconscious that can promote and support an “I-Thou” attitude of partnership between ego consciousness and the unconscious. Specific psychological tasks that seem required for specific stages or types of imagery will be described, as well as impasses that tend to result when those tasks are avoided or incompletely met. Dr. Zich will illustrate the role of “orienting intentions” in navigating extended dialogues with the unconscious, and will refer to image stages and related tasks for ego consciousness that can be seen in C.G. Jung’s Red Book, in cultural contexts, and in societal impasses. Time for discussion will follow.

Workshop: Opening the Gift This workshop is designed to foster an experiential exploration of the material presented in Friday’s lecture. After choosing a personal “orienting intention” for the workshop, everyone will select a wrapped gift. Before unwrapping the gift, we will take time to explore our expectations, thoughts, feelings, intuitions, sensory impressions, and attitudes stirred by this “unknown other,” symbolized by the wrapped gift. Then, as we each unwrap our gift, we will have a chance to observe our approach to discovering the “other,” including the ways our expectations around the anticipated (wrapped) gift have influenced our experience of the actual (unwrapped) gift. Through drawing, painting, collage-making, and clay-molding, we will explore the visual language of the unconscious, our personal pacing, inner resources, and rituals for honoring what is meaningful to us in such dialogues with the unconscious. Participants’ experiences will be discussed and amplified in terms of Jungian concepts and depth work as applicable to creative projects, psychotherapy, and personal growth.

UNFORTUNATELY they won’t be able to give me tickets to the workshop cause they said it has a max limit of 35 and it will probably be filled up by members, buuuuuuuuuut, whatever. i’m excited just to go to the lecture and see what that creates in my brain.

anyway.
for the last bit i’m just going to post some images of the art i’m working on. i’m tired of writing, for now. i’m sure i will be doing SHIT TONS of it in the next silent month. jesus christ. oh yeah also i went to a naturopathic doctor for an annual checkup and regular checkup today. thought it would be different from a regular doctor, but it was pretty much the same considering there’s nothing -really- wrong with me and all it is is similar measurements and stuff that you will do at a regular doctor. but i will be doing blood work after my vow of silence, so hopefully that will be more interesting (but again, probably the same haha).

oh man i keep finding new things to write about. there was a pie night the other night at gina’s, in celebration of national pie day (no shit). sara made a lemon-egg pie, and jesus christ, that shit was so godamn awesome. here were my contributions. imagine them the size of little muffins ^__^

banana chipotle lime!!!!!!

chipotle cajun yam!!!!!!

so fun to make mini pies! SO FUN!!! i think i might do them all the time. it should also be noted that this was my crust recipe… so fucking easy and so good, and what’s more! did not stick to pan!!!! sourced from meatless monday. i just mixed it with my hands, though. fuck food processors! ain’t no yuppie! jokes… i wish i had a food processor 8[

3 CUPS ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR
1 1/2 TEASPOONS KOSHER SALT
1 TEASPOON BAKING POWDER
1/2 CUP VEGETABLE SHORTENING (CAN BE REPLACED WITH BUTTER IN ADDITION TO AMOUNT BELOW)
1/4 POUND COLD UNSALTED BUTTER, DICED
1/2 TO 2/3 CUP ICE WATER
EGG WASH: 1 EGG BEATEN WITH 1 TABLESPOON WATER
FLAKED SEA SALT AND CRACKED BLACK PEPPER

For the Pastry: Using a food processor, combine the flour, salt, and baking powder. Add the shortening and butter, and mix quickly with your fingers until each piece is coated with flour. Pulse 10 times, or until the fat is the size of peas. With the motor running, add the ice water; process only enough to moisten the dough and have it just come together. Dump the dough out onto a floured board, and knead it quickly into a ball. Wrap the dough in plastic, and let it to rest in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.

okay, last thing for real. here’s where i’m going with art. 3-d sculptures.

only, the new round will look like this — all hand-drawn…!!!!! source material from me. source. just you wait, dudes. i’m going to force this year to be a big art year!

today gets all the posts, becauuuuuuse………………

i am totally kicking ass today. well, kinda. not kicking ass in the sense that i haven’t really done any of the work that i –need– to do. however, as far as creative endeavors go, i’m doing alright. this is the first in a bunch of videos i plan to do for swahili…

i feel quite good about it. it’s been a minute sinec i’ve done video stuff but yeaaaaaaaaah i love it i love it i love it i love it.