i am so RUAHOGHOASID.

dude, gotta get my shit fixed. lost a $1,000 dollar check sometime in the past week! have searched up and down for it, to no avail. i think that may perhaps be a new level of ridiculousness that i really need to address. the worst of it is that this is not the first time. money matters have been kind of ridiculously difficult as of late, which have kind of resparked in my mind a few things, such as the need to get more stable employment (since my part-time employment with uw will be slow for the next foreseeable month, and i am broke, broke, broke — but more importantly, there are many things i desire to do that i need money for).

so, as of today, i am going to turn a new motherfucking personal leaf. i am going to be more responsible about money. i am actually going to make sure people pay me the money that they owe me. i am going to actually try and get a part-time job. etc, etc, etc. maybe it is saturn return bullshit, but whatever it is, i’m feeling the great pressing need to grow up, at least in financial matters, though that does not necessarily mean giving up what i am doing… instead, i hope to make sure that what i am doing is supplemented by outwards sources, as it always has. no more of being a slapjack. this is unacceptable on a very profound, personal level, i have just come to realize. i think i have always been of the mind that i want to spend the extra time to work on my own things, but now i’m thinking if i had other things that weren’t my own things to contrast with doing my own things, i might get more meaningful things done with my own line of work — simply because it would place value on my time and efforts. people have said this a lot and i’ve never really necessarily felt it in the recent past… until now. sooooooo beautiful as the days outside are, and plentiful are the trips i want to take… i can’t really do those things without money, so. fuck it. time to get the scrillz, i guess. i mean, at least for now. we will see what lies ahead in the future once i feel more settled about this…!!!!!!!!

listening to gang gang dance’s eye contact; it has been a while as it is only on this computer. definitely remember the first time i was listening to it while sleeping and it woke me up because “glass jar” is just such a fucking beautiful track. it’s been a long time since i’ve embedded music links, so here it is… haven’t actually watched this live performance until now, but whatever.

today gets all the posts, becauuuuuuse………………

i am totally kicking ass today. well, kinda. not kicking ass in the sense that i haven’t really done any of the work that i –need– to do. however, as far as creative endeavors go, i’m doing alright. this is the first in a bunch of videos i plan to do for swahili…

i feel quite good about it. it’s been a minute sinec i’ve done video stuff but yeaaaaaaaaah i love it i love it i love it i love it.

WHAT IS GOING ON!!!

life has taken some kind of next-level jump into warp speed hyperspeed awesome incredibleness. i don’t have the damndest clue what is going on, but every day of this past week — probably more — has consisted of varying degrees of me screaming, “what the fuck!!!” in the best of possible ways. in the… HOW COULD LIFE POSSIBLY BE THIS AMAZING??? kind of way, everyday. there’s no way this will last — but… the energy of the beginning of 2011 is incredible. i don’t know what happened to the first month; it whizzed by like nobody’s business, but now everything feels like this… unbelievable… apex………………………….

i feel crazy saying this, but i’m not the only one who has felt this bizarre energy lately. not really sure what to make of it, or what it means…

two days ago, i went to first thursday art walk. i usually hate that shit. but came across these pieces by this artist, and rose and i were freaking the fuck out. i don’t know how to explain it. it was like this… uncontrollable… gratitude? level of amazement? that such a thing exists? the pieces seem simple, and the internet certainly underplays their level of amazingness… but each piece is basically one stroke, with each stroke then having trees of various forms and shapes and locations added to it.

last night, i had a conversation via text message, of all places, that made me feel this same way… this… i cannot believe this is existing in the cosmos and i am witnessing it kind of feeling…

today… i am listening to the james blake album everyone has been talking about so fervently, and i feel the same way that i felt with the art show… i’m kind of freaking out. it’s kind of unbelievably fucking incredible, and what IS this feeling?????????????????????????????????????????????? the feeling of witnessing something firsthand for the first time?

i don’t get this feeling. i don’t get what is going on these few weeks of this year… i am completely, completely, completely, completely, completely, completely, COMPLETELY, COMPLETELY, COMPLETELY confounded. in the best of ways. in the fucking best of ways.

this whole post has been characterized under a heading of wtf moments.

quick.

i’m listening to… the helio sequence’s keep your eyes ahead album, and now, okkervil river’s black sheep boy album.

this is a really quick post. just got back from an evening of tons of concerts, starting with a show at the mall featuring golden retriever, the slaves (kinda), crippled athlete, asss, followed by parenthetical girls at holocene, followed by niko’s set at valentine’s. it was a crazy night of shows!

this week has been a week of -amazing- shows. starting with pete swanson’s set which blew my fucking mind into oblivion. followed by a really interesting, largely vocal-based crippled athlete set, followed by a FANTASTIC — albeit only two song — golden retriever set. i mean. shit. can’t argue with this. and parenthetical girls were extremely solid as well.

this evening, at valentine’s, some soul music was being spun and an older man with a really long white beard asked me to dance. i said, “sure, why not?” and danced with him. “georgia on my mind” was playing, and he was singing it as we were dancing extremely closely. it wasn’t creepy. he smelled of tobacco. he smelled good, frankly. he moved gently, barely, and told me i didn’t need to move. it was mostly still, and he wasn’t very tall, but still, i had to step on my tiptoes. strange as it might be, i didn’t find it awkward at all dancing with this complete stranger. i was actually, strangely, smiling the whole time. afterwards, i was telling gina that dancing with him actually made me feel really bizarrely good. i don’t know why. it wasn’t so much that i felt like i was even doing that great a thing. it just felt…………………………….. nice. there was just a good amount of positive energy. my facebook status update sums it up a little:

“‎… a 70+ white-bearded man asked me to dance with him to “Georgia On My Mind” tonight. I did — closely. He was fragrant with tobacco and sang the lyrics quietly. Before he left, he imparted me with kind thoughts. My favorite: “I’ve lived a lot of life, and I don’t often meet people like you. Thank you. Sometimes people just need to feel appreciated… not often, but just once in a while.” It was really lovely.”

believe me. there are a number of things he said to me that would have been just as memorable to post, but this stuck out to me. he was full of lines like these… he told me that i was kind, and that things would work out for me because i love human beings. he thanked me and said that it meant a lot, and i made a gesture i never make… a gesture i feel like i have never ever made… a gesture from my heart to his. he reciprocated it.

later on, outside, he told me (essentially) that “we givers” sometimes become frustrated because they give and do not receive as much, and that i would experience much heartbreak, but that i should stick in there… and then he left, for his taxi was there, with kinda an incomplete, implied thought… that if i hang in there, everything will work out. and my heart wouldn’t be broken any longer, kind of thing.

arr.

quick notes.

camping at olympic peninsula this past weekend with lenard. it ruled. so fun. most notably: exploring some far parts of rocky ocean beach (with mini tidepools), weird sand that was like snow patterns we saw in iceland, and lotta weird rocks, including the following specimens: [a] weird amalgam metamorphosis rock; [b] jabba da hut rock. seriously. it looked like jabba — same shape and even had eyes and face. lenny snapped a photo and i will show when i get a copy. as for my own camera, i accidentally forgot to bring my battery, and as a result, could only take pictures with the film camera i brought. finished a roll of 36 exposures finally, though. thank heaven!

stopped by aberdeen/hoquiam on the way back and went to a couple garage sales… highway 101 passes through aberdeen and as we were driving through the town yesterday, we told ourselves that we would stop by the garage sales we saw the next day because we passed by sOo many of them yesterday. so today we stopped by one on the main road that was mediocre — just got a couple of cookbooks — and then a really epic one where we had to follow signs to this guy’s house… and got allllllllllllll sortsa junk. including but not limited to: [a] three awesome tapes! yeah!; [b] cool lace circular patterned thing; [c] really awesome pillow with a top side that has this cool geometrical/nature-ish crocheted (maybe) pattern; [d] nostalgic mcdonald’s limited edition batman glass cups (chose the one with riddler on it); [e] hilarious family portrait of two babies to hang on our wall (it actually fits the decor of our household and i just thought it’d be funny); [f] old ass kodak disk 8000 camera (which they don’t actually make film for anymore but it has 15 exposures and 12 are already used up, but they will be a funny surprise and even better — i have 3 of this weird film format to work with…)

i also ate WAY too many marshmallows this past weekend and was a major fatass. diet begins tomorrow. but most of all: i made what i now call a “it’s s’more” (in the sound of “when the moon hits your eye… blahblah… it’s amore!”)… which began as a marshmallow sandwiched in wheat thins but then turned into marshmallow sandwiched in wheat thins with spreadable cheese. FUCKING NOM!!!

anyway, i haven’t bought stuff randomly in a while, so that felt kinda good, and only cost $5.00 for all that (from both garage sales). yeah, garage sales! yeah, garage sales in hoquiam!

uhh and then tonight i went to a show and it was pretty funny. but first. holy crap. the middle performer, pete swanson, blew my fucking mind. he probably played like a 12-minute set, but both cole and i agreed that we were transported into some other realm devoid of time. as for me, i lost myself in that music and about 75% of the way through it discovered that i had put my arms in some weird way so that they no longer had any feeling, but it didn’t even matter. the music was so, so, so fugging amazing. it… was amazing. it’s one of the best things i’ve seen (even though i didn’t actually see it — i only heard it) in a long, long time. it was… ace. so good.

as for the headliner. i’ve got some mixed feelings about it and am not sure how i’m going to write up the review. even more importantly, though: [a] she broke a beer bottle and evidently got glass in someone’s eye and cut someone else; [b] she had come off stage and was walking around and i just happened to have started to text someone and she was walking up to me and actually saw me texting! oOps. ah, well.

recap central: england, day three: london.

thursday, march 4th, 2010.
Took the overnight bus, as previously mentioned, and when I got to Victoria Station in London, I called Jericho. Jericho had gotten a local phone, which turned out to be quite handy for him, sure, but also quite handy for us. Anyway, he met me at the coach station (since I went on this trip I definitely call busses coaches… it’s funny) and we just wandered around. The goal was just literally to wander aimlessly and wander aimlessly we did. We started by picking a random bus stop to get off of: Embankment Tube Station.

Wandering around led us to Somerset House (Somerset House, Strand, London WC2R 1LA) where there was a Michaelangelo exhibit going on. It was a bit pricey, but we went anyways. Wherever the wind blows us, after all.

Michaelangelo did about a million renditions of this here piece, The Dream, and many were on display here (Michaelangelo’s Dream was actually the name of the show, after all). Here’s a detail pic I took:

Up next, more wandering, where we saw some funny sights, including this poster! Can you believe Zombie Nation still exists?!!!!

And male Lady Gaga — excuse me, Let’s Go Gaga — body-building. Z O M G.

Some ruined-ish buildings:

We putzed around forever and finally, Jericho decided he wanted a smoothie, so we tried to get him one. But it was major fail; all these cafes and restaurants would have photos of smoothies on their windows, but then we would go in, and they would deny us. Finally, we went to some major coffee shop chain — I forget which — and we were able to get him one. Woooooo! The line was insanely long, though. I should also mention I had my backpack from Iceland this entire time — that wasn’t super fun.

Finally, we decided to head towards the hotel area where we’d be meeting Sherry and Lori. We were slated to meet at like, 2:00pm or something around there, and we got there early and were waiting around the front forever. Finally, I suggested that maybe there was a back entrance, and Jericho went off to check it. Of course, when he left to go check it, Lori and Sherry came around the back entrance where they had been waiting and found us. Miscommunication galore! Sherry booked the hotel with her reward points, so we all kinda crammed up in there. Weeee.

That evening, we pretty much just went shopping. We went to Harrods (87–135 Brompton Road, Knightsbridge
London, SW1X 7XL):

Harrods is kinda too expensive to really buy anything, but Sherry got some cookies — what’re these called again? I forget — to give Tinwin because they’re Tinwin’s favorite things ever. They were like 2 pounds apiece or something ridiculous, though, so I didn’t even try them. [Poor as fuck.] Jericho bought one, though, but he crammed the whole thing in his mouth at once and declared it was delicious, and we were all like, :0 — “You ate it already?!!!”

That evening, we ate sushi across the street. But it was in this building with all these mini fast food conveyor belt things… including a fast food LEBANESE CUISINE conveyor belt! OMG! But Lori is allergic to peanuts, so feeding her miscellaneous foods is kind of impossible… I think she could have eaten like, Indian food, for instance, but she’s never had it ever…

I reckon we went home that evening, and Jericho was supposed to meet up with us early the next morning. Bright and super early. It was Lori’s first time out of the country, so we had to make the most of things!

files! sharing! files!

i’m listening to… ween’s chocolate and cheese album.

oh man! i haven’t been up this late in a minute! andrew and i just set up (well, i guess i should say, andrew just set up) an inter-house file sharing action action, and now i have like, ~30 gigs of rad new music. not exactly NEW music, but new to my collection music, yes!!! it’s 5:21am!

anyway, it’s really fucking exciting. although i am staring at all of it wondering how the hell i’m going to listen to it all, and when, because i still haven’t listened to all of the music i have in my personal collection… eh, well. it happens. over-saturation, yay!

things i am most excited for that i just acquired:
ween
dusty springfield
broadcast
kraftwerk
plaid
can
jennifer gentle
television
beach house

amongst other things. unfortunately, it makes me really want to reorganize all my music (and andrew’s! jeezus his is a mess!) but that shit will take like, forever…

well, anyway, tonight (or this morning) is going to be one of those nights (days) where i sleep to music. just gotta.

ps – i’m addicted to these fucking herb bagels… aaah.

bs.

totally tired of the bullshit. man, people are kind of depressing.

on another note, lenny and i went snowboarding today for the first time this season and at first i was being a pussy cause my shins really, really hurt (something was digging into them and rendering horrific pain) but after going to the lodge, drinking some hot cocoa, and digging the button that was crushing my shin out and putting it outside of my boot, life was soooooooo much better. my new banana-traction board is pretty fucking legit. people kept commenting on it and basically drooling over it, lol. kinda funny. funny also because i fucking suck and probably don’t deserve the board, but really, it’s pretty good. i wish i could go more per season, though, because at this rate i average once a season or sometimes twice, and as a result, i never fucking get better. when i went like six times a season back in college i got shitloads better….

anyway. i hung out with aaron and gina for a while yesterday and dude! got to play with aaron’s tenori-on! ommmmmmmmmmmmmg. like, seriously, the thing is fucking G E N I U S. it blew my mind. i couldn’t really figure out how to use it in the ten minutes i was playing with it but seriously. genius.

demo video:

recap central: washington, d.c.

i’m listening to… micachu and the shapes.

saturday, september 26th, 2009.
got into dc after a layover in boston kinda late, and it took FOREVER to get from the godamn washington-dulles airport to where i wanted to go (my couchsurfer host’s house). she picked me up from the subway station after like three hours of travel or something, and then she went out with her friend and i went out to the experimental music show, sonic circuits. it was pouring like a motherfucker, which was kind of a bummer.

i hadn’t eaten in a while and was super starving, so like the fatass i am, i decided to eat snacks instead of a regular meal. got some peanut butter-filled pretzels and a bag of utz chips… the best chips ever, really. carolina bbq?!! it’s like bbq meets salt & vinegar aka HELLA FUCKING GOOD. ridiculously good. anyway, after cramming this shit down my gullet, standing in front of the drugstore under an overhang to keep out of the rain, i walked a block over to the black cat. stomped in a giant puddle on the way, hence i was fucking FREEZING to death in the venue because it was sOoOoOo cold and i was wet, too.

as i was watching one of the performers that night, kotra, this ukranian electronic dude, my camera fucked up, and i’m pretty convinced it had to do with his sound. i asked some other guy who was taking video next to me if it was possible, and he thought i was crazy and was not convinced. but check these pics, man. other than the first pic, the pics were taken the next day when it had a temporary relapse for a sec, but since then, the camera has been 100% in working condition.

many more where these came from.

kotra was amazing.

there was also a free jazz band and i don’t understand free jazz whatsoever, but it was interesting.

started talking to this persian couple — both really cute — about music and what not. saw them the next day, too. they were nice!!!

one more act had a visual and audio component synced together, but unfortunately, the venue hadn’t provided them with projectors. so, no visuals… they just tested out their audio portion. it was this japanese girl and a black dude, and the black dude made these shirts that plugged into usb portion of a computer and they were touch-sensitive, so when you touched certain parts of the shirt, it would make a sound. it was pretty godamn cool.

took the metro back late at night and then chatted a bit with katyln’s roommate, mb. mb was talking about how it was amazing, she thought, that a girl like myself (and others similar to myself) could travel by ourselves because she could never do it and she described herself as a “typical american” who has never been outside of the united states and is kind of content with that. kind of sad, really.

sunday, september 27th, 2009.

anyway, the next day, katyln, my couchsurfing host, and i, hung out. this started with some tapas at la tasca in alexandria’s old town (not in d.c.)! on the way back, we stopped by a new age bookstore for a while and she asked questions, and then we borrowed bikes and headed off to the city. i borrowed her roommates but i can’t use bikes unless the seats are really low, so we had to lower it…

obligatory washington dc pics. not gonna lie — really didn’t care about any of this shit other than seeing it for a sec. not that exciting. especially not with other people because then i can’t just cheel.

washington memorial. btw, all these monuments are in what’s considered a national park, which is really funny to me, because it’s so different from the kinds of national parks that are in the rest of the country.

some kind of world war ii monument that was remarkably new — think it was erected in like, 2003.

it started raining, so we went to starbucks to chill and hang and chat for a while. ^__^ nom nom nom chocolate banana smoothie, nom nom nom.

after doing the downtown circle, we went to the eastern market. lotta cool random stuff, and good, cheap fruit! mmmmmmmmmmm. got a buncha peaches for like a quarter each, like big, full-sized peaches (i think they were about to rot or something).

that night, went to see another part of the sonic circuits tour, this time to see HEALTH (along with some others, like faust). it was cool… decided to talk to the guy from HEALTH i had a crush on and he was really nice. did an impromptu interview and it went really well… now i just gotta find the time to write the godamn thing, ugh!

so i left and katlyn drove back and i decided to take the subway to josh wu’s place in dc, only the subways were about to stop running so i had to catch the last one. i accidentally missed the train i was supposed to take because i thought i was supposed to take a yellow train when it was in fact green (or vice versa) and i missed the last train and ended up taking it into another direction and being stuck in the middle of nowhere-ish and josh had to come and rescue me, haha. fun times.

his condo was really nice and i got a really super ass comfortable bed to sleep in because he has a spare bedroom. it ruled, needless to say, especially since i’d been sleeping on couches for quite a while by this point in time.

monday, september 28th, 2009.
josh left me a spare key and i just worked at his house all day until it was time for me to go to baltimore. got myself to the greyhound station and accidentally missed the proper bus because i had headphones on when they called for a chance of gate. by the time i realized it, i’d missed the bus by a couple minutes and it had already left, which sucked. the next one didn’t leave for another two hours or something. UGH.

washington d.c. greyhound station rating: DECENT.

i’m a zombie!!

i’m watching… people who make noise — a documentary about portland noise musicians.

today:
drawing.
today:
sharing tomatoes.
today:
seeing bat for lashes.
today:
watching people snort aderall.
today:
talking to a really excited sociology major.
today:
consuming awesome free salad with sesame dressing.
today:
sneaking a mint ice cream sandwich into “the nest” (a bar).
today:
taking a late night drive to shoot some fun night photography.
today:
passing by a ping-pong table (with players) in the middle of the street.
today:
throwing a cup into a trash hole where a barista had just removed the trash bag.
today:
attempting to wear blue boots with a cowboy’s face on them (unfortunately too small).
today:
feeling certain for a moment while walking down alberta that portland rules.
today:
taking in careful reflections on relatively newly-formed friendships.
today:
staring at the computer screen wondering what to write.
today:
queuing up tons of blog postings for when i’m gone.
today (yesterday):
babysitting two dudes grilling balls on acid.
today (yesterday):
getting freaked by guy high on ecstasy.
today (yesterday):
dancing all crazy to drum n’ bass.
today (yesterday):
doodling in notebooks in bars.
yesterday:
reading at powell’s books.
yesterday:
being sure. then not.
yesterday:
driving too much.
yesterday:
dreaming.

living.

ps…
actual search term someone used to get to redefine magazine’s website:
“how much sex does john o’callaghan from the maine get a month”
… amazing… cause does the internet actually know that?!!!