shamanic mysteries of egypt, part two.

OHHHHHHKAY. So part two of my crazy Egyptian meditation visionary book is about connecting with Nekhbet Mother Mut (pictured right), what they describe as the “Alchemist,” the deity that comes before the rest, the mother of all, and supposedly my “main guide” in my vision quest. In my book about Egyptian deities (the best intro book, seriously), she is a vulture, usually shown from side view, often shown in combination with or in relation to a snake.

I decided to edit the meditation this time to cut out unnecessary words and basically get to the meat of the thing, after learning that last time I got way too much caught up (concentration-wise) in the extra descriptive words I was saying that were in the original texts. This time, I also paired it all to Barn Owl’s Lost In The Glare record – at least, its first three songs. It matched up ridiculously well with the arc of the entire meditation, though I did not intend for that to happen whatsoever (with the exception of the last song, because I put that on there in its entirety as an entire song’s-length worth of meditation with no additional verbal guidance). Anyway. The arc:

Track one of the record, “Pale Star,” is super mellow and fit in perfectly with the introduction of the meditative session, which basically just called for you to breathe deeply and to get into the zone, and to focus on Anubis standing on the side of a cliff. You were to join him in watching a sunset. I decided to hold his hand in my vision haha. Not sure if he liked that or not, and I was wondering the whole time what kind of hands Anubis would have – would they be more jackal-like or more human-like? – so soon, I just grabbed onto his bicep instead. Which is kinda weird, too… and then I wondered about the bottom half of his outfit, which was some sort of golden skirt-type thing… was getting all pervy on Anubis, sorry!

At that point the meditation told you to let go of what you were thinking of and start preparing yourself to enter the actual meat of the meditation. It told you to step off of the cliff and then transform into a dove, which would enter a vortex…

Almost exactly timed with my entering the vortex came track two, “Turiya.” It was actually fun to glide through the vortex initially with this song playing because it becomes fairly intense, and I imagined myself as a dove, flying very confidently through this vortex, constantly arcing towards the right… but then the song got mega intense, and it got to a point where I felt like seriously my forehead or something was going to explode… everything just became super hard to control and I had to remind myself to breathe deeply to like, maintain control of my body or something. I don’t know how to explain it really; I have never felt anything like that that intensely. I mean, during the previous meditation session for this I had mentioned that it felt like it was hard for me to get back into my body at the end; in this case it was similar to that, only it felt just like my mind was going somewhere else and that if I wasn’t careful, it’d go off without my body following it or something. Anyway, the deep breaths helped, and what’s even better is the timing of the next track and next happening…

The next track, “Devotion I” is a super calm I guess salutary track to someone or something, and it felt so so so appropriate as this was when the journey through the vortex ended and I came face-to-face with Nekhbet Mother Mut and offered her an olive branch of peace, which she was to accept. She then talked to me (this is all in the dialogue from the book) about basically what she was there to do and that I was courageous for attempting this in the first place, and that I had the heart like that of the Fool in the tarot. Then there was a space left for “getting a message” from her, which in my mind, started off as basically her reassuring me that things would be fine, followed by me asking a LOT of ridiculous questions such as: “Is the serpent we’re going to ride on really white?” even though it was originally listed as silver. These are just the type of questions that sprung to mind, though – nothing profound whatsoever, and so I just kept apologizing for asking the dumbest shit, to which the answer seemed like a kind of maternal, “It’s fine,” plus a type of shrugging off, though not mean in any way, just the kind of shrugging off you would give a little kid who might be talking too much about things you’re bored by.

Moving on, this was when I intentionally placed the fourth track, “The Darkest Night Since 1683,” into the pre-recorded meditation reading. It was during this part where I was supposed to look into myself and Egypt and find a lost memory. A ton of random shit came to mind but the strongest things that reoccurred were: lion-headed god (female), Sphinx, Horus – in that order. I knew that Horus was a bird-headed god, but really didn’t know much more than that, other than whatever tangential information I had learned from reading about other gods. Then I was left with the idea of: Eye of Horus (which, in my head, after it came to mind, I mistook for the Eye of Ra / Re) and also, an Eye on the Sphinx??? I also got confused during this time because I had read that Thoth was born from Seth’s eyeball and though that maybe THAT was the Eye of Horus? (When really that has nothing to do with anything, I see now.) Also the line, “So many centuries” – or something similar – kept repeating again and again and again. And I got the very clear sense that a Sphinx – the Great Sphinx?? – is located atop some kind of giant slab of hieroglyphs extend like a vertical column, similar to an obelisk? Similar to the Easter Island “heads” and how they have bodies?? I remember thinking during the meditation that, what the fuck, this was surely an impossibility considering the amount of research that has probably gone into the Sphinx??? ANYWAY.

When I came to and finished this meditation, I was basically like, what the fuck, and went to the book that I had borrowed from the library. It yielded some information about what I had seen:

1) eye of the moon [found coincidentally after I was attempting to look up anything related to “eyes”… “eye of Horus” was not a real thing]
“[Horus as a] Sky God: This is the original form of Horus as ‘lord of the sky’ which preceded all others. The Eyptian word her from which the god’s name is derived means ‘the one on high’ or ‘the distant one’ in reference to the soaring flight of the hunting falcon (if not a reference to the solar aspect of the god). Mythologically, the god was imagined as a celestial falcon whose right eye was the sun and whose left eye the moon. The speckled feathers of his breast were probably the stars and his wings the sky – with their downsweep producing the winds. It was in this form that Horus was apparently worshipped at some of Egypt’s earliest sites such as Hierakonpolis and in which Horus assimilated a number of other local falcon gods.”

2) lion-headed deity (female): [found listed under seven or eight Sphinx-related pages in the index]
“The lion-headed goddess personifies the most common type of ‘hybrid’ or bimorphic deity in which the head of the animal is fused with an anthropomorphic body.” + “A lion-headed goddess is a lion-goddess in human form, while a royal sphinx, conversely, is a man who has assumed the form of a lion.”

3) Horus and The Great Sphinx [found as the last entry related to ‘sphinx’ – I was definitely beginning to think that there was no connection between Horus and sphinxes]
“[Horus as a] Sun god: As a natural outgrowth of his role as cosmic sky god Horus was also venerated more specifically as a solar god… The Pyramid Texts specifically refer to Horus in solar terms as ‘god of the east’ and he appeared in at least three forms in this guise. As Horakhty or ‘Horus of the two horizons’ Horus was the god of the rising and setting sun, but more particularly the god of the east and the sunrise, and in the Pyramid Texts the deceased king is said to be reborn in the eastern sky as Horakhty. Eventually, Horakhtys drawn into the sun cult of Heliopolis and fused with its solar god as Re-Horakhty. As behde or ‘he of [the] behdet’, Horus was the hawk-winged sun disk which seems to incorporate the idea of the passage of the sun through the sky. As Hor-em-akhet (Harmachis) or ‘Horus in the horizon’, Horus was visualized as a sun god in falcon or leonine form. By New Kingdom times, he Great Sphinx of Giza – originally a representation of the 4th-dynasty king Khafre – was interpreted as an image of Hor-em-akhet.

There is nothing else in this text related to Horus being a lion-related god at all. Totally fucking weird…

Maybe a point to note that I’m finding now after reading more about Horus:

Chapter 112 of the Book of the Dead tells how the Delta city of Pe (the historical Buto) was given to Horus as compensation for his eye which was injured by Seth, thus explaining this important centre of the god…

Well, since I’m already here, let’s look up the terms Book of the Dead (to see if there’s more about Chapter 112) , Pe, and Buto… noting that I don’t have internet at home right now, so I actually have to rely only on *gasp* this book that is right in front of me! (God I am glad I actually wasn’t lazy and picked this up from the library today…)

1) Book of the Dead [a shit ton of entries]
… too many entries for me to give a shit right now at 12:30am…

2) Buto [3 entries]
Nothing of particular interest.

3) Pe [0 entries]

Mystery ended adequately, at least for now. Not 100% pleased about not checking out all of the Book of the Dead stuff, but fuggiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Sleep tym.

Anyway, glad I wrote this. Felt so fucking weird right after doing it. felt craaaaaaaaaazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Still feel a little crazy but it’s fine.

ADDENDUM… 01/31… @ 4:00pm
This morning, when I woke up, I was thinking about how “Horus on the horizon” and thinking that the sphinx is somehow associated with the sun. I don’t know if this is actually true. If this is actually true, it would make sense to think there’s another sphinx? Dedicated to the sun?

Anyway, some quick Googling about sphinxes and Horus… found some sort of articles:
- Was There a Second Great Sphinx at Giza?
- The Riddle Of The Second Sphinx

God this shit is weird. I honestly don’t know what to make of it, AT ALL. Is it my mind actually tapping into something? Is it just my mind? I mean I seriously don’t know that much about Egyptian mythology at all, or Egyptology… so some of the things that have been coming up are pretty bizarre.

Also, there are apparently (maybe?) passages under the Sphinx, which makes it possible? That there might be more carvings in the sides of the walls where the passageways are, no?
- The Saga Of The Sphinx
- The Egyptologist, The Sphinx, and the Cover-Up
- Robert M. Schoch’s Research On The Great Sphinx
- Known Sphinx Passages
- Uncovering Secrets of the Sphinx (a Smithsonian article worth taking a look at, and pretty recent, from February 2010)

Lehner spotted something perhaps even more remarkable. If you stand in the eastern niche during sunset at the March or September equinoxes, you see a dramatic astronomical event: the sun appears to sink into the shoulder of the Sphinx and, beyond that, into the south side of the Pyramid of Khafre on the horizon. “At the very same moment,” Lehner says, “the shadow of the Sphinx and the shadow of the pyramid, both symbols of the king, become merged silhouettes. The Sphinx itself, it seems, symbolized the pharaoh presenting offerings to the sun god in the court of the temple.” Hawass concurs, saying the Sphinx represents Khafre as Horus, the Egyptians’ revered royal falcon god, “who is giving offerings with his two paws to his father, Khufu, incarnated as the sun god, Ra, who rises and sets in that temple.”

Equally intriguing, Lehner discovered that when one stands near the Sphinx during the summer solstice, the sun appears to set midway between the silhouettes of the pyramids of Khafre and Khufu. The scene resembles the hieroglyph akhet, which can be translated as “horizon” but also symbolized the cycle of life and rebirth. “Even if coincidental, it is hard to imagine the Egyptians not seeing this ideogram,” Lehner wrote in the Archive of Oriental Research. “If somehow intentional, it ranks as an example of architectural illusionism on a grand, maybe the grandest, scale.”

Read more: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history-archaeology/Uncovering-Secrets-of-the-Sphinx.html#ixzz1l5Mg9PDm

“According to the legend engraved on a pink granite slab between the Sphinx’s paws, the Egyptian prince Thutmose went hunting in the desert, grew tired and lay down in the shade of the Sphinx. In a dream, the statue, calling itself Horemakhet—or Horus-in-the-Horizon, the earliest known Egyptian name for the statue—addressed him. It complained about its ruined body and the encroaching sand. Horemakhet then offered Thutmose the throne in exchange for help.

Whether or not the prince actually had this dream is unknown. But when he became Pharaoh Thutmose IV, he helped introduce a Sphinx-worshiping cult to the New Kingdom (1550-1070 B.C.). Across Egypt, sphinxes appeared everywhere in sculptures, reliefs and paintings, often depicted as a potent symbol of royalty and the sacred power of the sun.”

Read more: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history-archaeology/Uncovering-Secrets-of-the-Sphinx.html#ixzz1l5N1tjdu

I DON’T KNOWWWWW can’t really think about this.

No results for a third eye related to the Sphinx.

{003} vow of silence – but first and foremost, life is fuuuuuuuucked.

i most certainly have some dreams these days that make me wake up and decide i HAVE to write them down, regardless of how much i don’t want to or how particularly annoying they are.

this is the second time this has happened in the past two months (the last being in december, when i discovered the shamanic mysteries of egypt book). this time, instead of two dreams — one about alchemy and one about egypt — it is one dream, very vivid, about magnetism and magic. i would like to make it clear that i have NEVER dreamed about magic, and i don’t think i’ve ever dreamed about magnetism, either. here is the dream below, and none of the dream interpretations of any of the symbols made a single lick of sense:

In a giant room. There are magical performances going on and the last girl is “up.” I am with Troy. The room is cluttered full of items. Her performance INSANELY, with some announcement (or maybe even psychic message or maybe literal message over loudspeaker) that says that this lady’s dance is to combat male-ness – or something along those lines, anyway. It begins with her at the center, pop-and-locking, while a bunch of dudes try and fight her. She is wearing a crop top and baggy pants, like Aaliyah with bad early ‘90s fashion. There is a slow-motion dance move she is doing, and it looks like there is an invisible sphere around her that the enemies cannot penetrate, though I think that’s just an illusion initially. Soon, though, the magic seems to become real and all these crazy objects and happenings begin to happen, and Troy and I are sitting facing it “head-on,” as though she were on a stage in front of us and we are exactly centered in the back of the room watching her… and we begin to wonder aloud how these things are happening and I begin wondering internally if it is only because of our perspective that this magic looks like magic or if it is actually magic. We also wonder if she is making the performance happen. it looks like a three-dimensional animation or rendering or something, not real life; all of the components look rather polished. At this point, many items are magnetized on the ground, and they all begin moving around in a path that she determines – a really complicated path, where every item has their own individual arc and story, like God commanding the lives of each person. At one point, I am on the far side of the room (well actually, I’ve moved diagonally, towards the “front right corner”) and I am near these balloons that she is guiding around on her “magnetic track.” The fascinating thing is that though these objects have a controlled route that they are set on – which magical lady determines – they are also free to be controlled by the other people in the room (again, like God). I find myself drawn to the white balloons, though there are many objects in the room. I hit over and over again one balloon in particular, but find that it always goes back to where it wanted to be and I find this so amusing I giggle. I also hit around a really small white pebble as I’m moving from the front right of the stage to the center middle, where the performer is. But soon, she crumples, and Taraka from Prince Rama emerges from I don’t know where, with really tender energy, and goes to see if she is alright. She is not responsive, and Taraka (or someone) is told to call the performer’s mother. And slowly, everything in the room becomes less magnetized, and it dawns on me that she WAS really controlling everything…

the book it led me to is this book (the book was seriously calling to me). published in 1801, it is a work by francis barrett, called the magus: a complete system of occult philosophy. (the left-most book cover, though i like the other ones much better. but i guess this one did its deed just fine…)

“The Magus is one of the primary sources for the study of ceremonial magic, and for a long time was one of the rarest and most sought after of the 19th century grimoires. Barretts’ magnum opus embodies deep knowledge of Alchemy, Astrology, and the Kabbalah, and has been cited by the Golden Dawn and other occult and esoteric movements as source material. Written in 1801 in the middle of the ‘Age of Reason’, sandwiched between Newton and Darwin, this was possibly the last epoch that a work like this could be composed.” (Quote from sacred-texts.com)

what is most fucked up about finding this book, though, is that i flipped seriously right up to a chapter on magnetism, and was flipped so fast that i closed the book and had to open it again and again flipped right to that page. but not only a chapter, but fuck, man, a sub-section — the eighth one, in magnetism — that started off in its introductory paragraph about dreams and magic. dude. like what???!! and it was very, very adamant that the magicianess was a magicianess — a female…

here are some sample excerpts… the text is hard to read as fuck, both in font and just in content…

CHAP. VIII.
OF THE MAGICAL POWER, &c.

“Therefore the knowledge and power magical, and that faculty in man which acteth only per nutum (and also) sleeps since the knowledge of the apple was eaten and as long as this knowledge (which is of the flesh and blood, gross and material, belonging to the external man and darkness) flourishes, the more noble magical power is lying dormant.

But because to sleep this outward or sensual knowledge is sometimes dormant, hence it is that our dreams are sometimes prophetical, and God himself is therefore nearer unto man in dreams, through that effect, viz. when the more inward magic of the soul being uninterrupted by the flesh, diffuses itself on every side into the understanding; even as when it sinks itself into the inferior powers thereof it safely leads those who walk in their sleep by moving or conducting them, whither those that were awake could not surmount or climb.

Therefore we establish this point, viz. that there is inherent in the soul a certain magical virtue given to her by God, naturally proper and belonging to her, in asmuch as we are his image and engravement; and in this respect she acts also in a peculiar manner, i.e. spiritually on an object at a distance, and that more powerfully than by any corporeal assistance; for seeing the soul is the principal part of the body, therefore all action belonging to her is spiritual, magical, and of the greatest validity…

High and sacred is the force of the microcosmical spirit, which, as is evident in pregnant women, stamps upon the young the image and properties of a thing desired, as we have before instanced in a cherry, which, without the trunk of a tree, brings forth a true cherry, that is flesh and blood, enobled with the properties and power of the more inward or real cherry, by the conception of the imagination alone; from whence are two necessary consequences.

First, that all the spirits, and as it were the essences of all things, lie hid in us, and are born and brought forth only by the working, power, and phantasy of the microcosm.

The second is, that the soul, in conceiving, generates a certain idea of the thing conceived; the which, as it before lay hid unknown, like fire in a flint, so by the stirring up of the phantasy there is produced a certain real idea, which is not a naked quality, but something like a substance, hanging in suspence between a body and a spirit, that is the soul.

That middle being is so spiritual, that it is not plainly exempted from a corporeal condition, since the actions of the soul are limited on the body, and the inferior orders of faculties depending upon it, yet so corporeal that it may be inclosed by dimensions, the which we have also related to be only proper to a feminal being. This ideal entity, therefore, when it falls out of the invisible and intellectual world of the microcosm, it puts on a body, and then it is first enclosed by the limitation of place and numbers.

The object of the understanding is in itself a naked and pure essence, not an accident, by the consent of practical, that is, mystical divines; therefore this Proteus or transferable essence, the understanding doth, as it were, put on and clothe itself, with this conceived essence.

But because every body, whether external or internal, hath its making in its own proper image, the understanding knows and discerns not, the will loves and wills not, the memory recollects not, but by images or likenesses: the understanding therefore puts on this same image of its object; and because the soul is the pure simple form of the body, which turns itself about to ever member, therefore the acting understanding cannot have two images at once, but first one and then the other. He, who is wholly the life, created all things and hath said, nothing is to be expected as dead out of his hand. Likewise nothing can come to our view wherein himself is not clearly apparent or present; for it is said, “the spirit of the Lord hath filled the whole globe of the earth:” and, again, “that he containeth or comprehendeth all things,” therefore there is nothing in being, no creature but what possesses a certain degree of divine fire and life, yet lying dormant or unexcited, til stirred up by the art, power, and operation of man.

—

CHAP. IX
OF THE EXCITING OR STIRRING UP THE MAGICAL VIRTUE.

Every magical virtue therefore stands in need of an excitement, by which a certain spiritual vapour is stirred up, by reason whereof the phantasy which profoundly sleeps is awakened, and there begins an action of the corporeal spirit, as a medium, which is that of Magnetism, and is excited by a foregoing touch.

There is a magical virtue, being as it were abstracted from the body, which is wrought by the stirring up of the power of the soul, from whence there are made most potent procreations, and most famous impressions, and strong effects, so that nature is on every side a magicianness, and acts by her own phantasy; and by how much the more spiritual her phantasy is, so much the more powerful it is, therefore the denomination of magic is truly proportional or concordant…

But the magical virtue of the exhales spiritual vapour, or subtil spirits sent from the body, which before lay in potentia, or by way of possibility only, is either excited by a more strong imagination, the magician making use of the blood as a medium, and establishing his kindled entity thereon, or by the ascending phantasy of the weapon salve, the exciteress of the property lying in the blood; else by a foregoing appointment or disposition of the blood unto corruption, viz. whereby the elements are disposed unto a separation, and the effences (which cannot putrify) and the effential phantasies, which lay hid in the properties come forth into action.

There is therefore a certain formal property separated from sympathetical and abtruse qualities; because the motive phantasy of these qualities do not directly fly unto a local motion, but only to an alterative motion of the object. Now it is sufficient that (if a man happens to receive many wounds on his body) blood be had only from one of these wounds, and from this one the rest are cured also, because that blood keeps a concordant harmony with the spirit of the whole, and draws forth from the fame the offensive quality communicated, not only to the lips of the wound, but to the whole man, for from one wound only the whole man is liable to grow feverish.

Therefore the outchased blood being received on the weapon is introduced into the magnetic unguent.

For the phantasy of the blood, being otherwise as yet drowsy and slow to action, being stirred up by the virtue of the magnetic unguent, and there finding the balfamic virtue of it, desires the quality induced into it, to be bestowed on itself throughout, and from thence by a spiritual magnetism to draw out all the strange tincture of the wound, which, seeing it cannot fitly enough effect by itself, it implores the aid of the moss, blood, fat and mummy, which are conjoined together into such a balsam, which not but by its own phantasy becomes also medicinal, magnetical, and is also a tractor of all the strange qualities out of the body, whole fresh blood, abounding with spirit, is carried unto it, whether it shall be that of a man or any other living creature. The phantasy therefore is a returner, or reducible andecstatical, from part of the blood that is fresh and newly brought unto the unguent; but the magnetic attraction began in the blood is perfected by the medicinal virtue of the unguent; not that the unguent draws the infirmity of the wound unto itself, but it alters the blood newly brought unto it, in its spirit, and makes it medicinal, and stirs up the power thereof: from thence it contracts a certain medicinal virtue, which returns upon its whole body to correct the spirit of the blood throughout the whole man. Now, to manifest a great mystery, viz. to shew that in man there is placed a great efficacy whereby he may be able only by his beck, (as we before mentioned) nod or phantasy, to act out of himself, or to imprint a virtue, a certain influence which afterwards perseveres, or constantly subsists by itself, and acts upon objects at a very great distance; by which only mystery, those things which we have spoken (relative to ideal entity conveyed in a spiritual jewel, and departing far from home to execute its offices, concerning the magnetism of all things begotten in the imagination of man, as in that which is proper to every thing, and also concerning the magical superiority of men over all other bodies,) will plainly and conspicuously appear.

—

CHAP. X.
OF THE MAGICAL VIRTUE OF THE SOUL, AND THE MEDIUM BY WHICH IT ACTS.

… man hath a power of acting, per nutum, or by his nod, or of moving any object remotely placed; it has also been sufficiently confirmed by the fame natural example, that this efficacy was also given unto men by God.

As every magical faculty lies dormant, and has need of excitement, or stirring up; which is always true, if the object whereon it is to act is not nearly disposed, if its internal phantasy doth not wholly confirm to the impression of the agent, or also if the patient be equal in stregth, or superior to the agent therein.

But on the contrary, where the object is plainly and nearly disposed, as steel is, for the receiving of magnetism, then the patient without much stirring up, the alone phantasy of the more outward man being drawn out to the work and bound up to any suitable mean, yields to the magnetism.

Therefore we repeat, the magician must always make use of a medium; for then the words or forms of sacraments do always operate, because from the work performed. But the reason why exorcisms, conjurations, charms, incantations, &c. do sometimes fail of their desired effect, is because the unexcited mind, or spirit of the exorcist, renders the words dull or ineffectual.

Therefore no man can be a happy or successful magician, but him who knows how to stir up the magical virtue of his soul, or can do it practically without science.

And there can be no nearer medium of magnetism, than human blood with human blood.

And no sympathetic remedies, magnetical or attractive, but from the idea or phantasy of the operator impressing upon it a virtue and efficacy from the excited power of his own soul.

And now to bring our Magnetic Treatise to a total conclusion, we have to say, that whoever, through ignorance or obstinacy, will say there is no validity or reason, or reality in the science of magnetism, proves himself unworthy the sacred name of philosopher, because he condemns what he knows nothing at all about.

For those who will give themselves the leisure to examine the truth of those things which we have taught, will not find their expectation deceived, therefore, will not condemn…

We therefore, who have the like humanity, contain blood and spirit of a co-like unity; and the action of the blood is merely spiritual. Therefore, in Genesis, it is not called by the etymology of blood, but is made remarkable by the name of a red spirit.

Therefore, let those who would attain knowledge in these things, and be perfect in what we have set before them, constantly meditate and desire that the First Cause and Archetype of all thing would graciously and mercifully illuminate their minds; without which, they grope in darkness and uncertainty, and are subject to the delusions of impure spirits and devils, who are only to be put to flight by putting on the whole armour of God, in whom we all live, move, breathe, and have our being.

END OF MAGNETISM.

anyway, now sitting in powell’s. what else happened today! i planned out my fucked up schedule for the upcoming months. going to be in seattle for the 5th through the 7th (going to break my vow of silence on the 5th, unfortunately), have a business meeting on the 6th (wherein a really amazing opportunity, potentially, presented itself, and we’ll see where that goes), give a speech about redefine on the 26th for research club, spend the rest of the following week in seattle, then leave for sxsw tour on the evening of march 5th. it is all going to be a whirlwind! and i plan to spend the last week and a half of march in california, so i can attend to business, and things, and such.

we will see what happens with the rest. what else happened today…………………… flaked on watching a movie — a really awesome 3d dance movie — that i had wanted to watch and ended up in powell’s instead. this madness turned out to be positive…

ran into darcy on the way. she is from the building i used to volunteer at. she was super excited to see me and was lining up at a church nearby to get a free dinner meal. she called me down and said hi, but i felt bad because i was vow of silencing and unable to talk to her. i typed her a message on my phone to tell her i was doing a vow of silence, and she was like, oh, okay, and said bye, and was smiley, but i don’t know that she understood it wholly. hopefully she was not bummed. it was nice to see her, though… i don’t usually come downtown too often, but pretty much almost every time i come downtown i see her. it’s actually quite incredible. and in different places, too.

not sure what else there is to say. nothing comes to mind. until tomorrow.

oh real quick…
number of times i’ve fucked up today: 3?
number of times i fucked up yesterday: 3?

certainly better than the previous 12.