interesting.

someone twitter-linked me and i got 24 visits today from that. who would do that? and to where? interesting.

—

in any case.
emotions sure are a strange thing.
my mind is telling me that everything is alright, but my body is not.
then again, my mind went back earlier this afternoon to thinking nothing was alright…

—

today crushes me beneath its insidious weight, ever-taunting me with the fact that i will accomplish none of which i set out to do today.

from within my limited field of vision — if “limited” does not assume too grand a scope — days like today are when divination is ousted and marred by the endless possibilities of free will. when free will fails to offer to me the mobility, the motivation, to make it willful, or me willing, there is only wretched, wretched helplessness, now multiplied tenfold, due to the personal responsibility newly revealed to me by the nature of the situation. the incapacitation dealt out by the wealth of universal possibility cripples the beauty of myself, of everyone around me, of abilities, solutions, circumstances. even the most innocent of individuals, or inanimate objects, become tasteless, unattractive, bungled mistakes lacking the potential to be rescued from outward fates, or even by themselves. suddenly, all sentient beings are afflicted with the same lack. relative suffering goes out the window. we are all linked equally by how wretchedly helpless we are.

—

Aaah, late night R&B slow jam radio, how could I have forgotten you? You sum up what I love about music — that it can really reach the core of your being, that it begs to be consumed, voraciously, much more than many things, and definitely much more than sleep! I miss KMEL.

I don’t know what else to do right now, anyway. Between listening to this and writing inane shit… I’m at a loss. So. Pointless. My only hope is that I wake up tomorrow, invigorated.

Other than that, R&B and hip-hop songs I need to have…!!! These songs are all so fucking good… ughhh. THANKS KMEL.

Trey Songz – Can’t Be Friends
Diddy-dirty Money – Loving You No More
Lloyd – Lay It Down
Chris Brown – Look At Me Now
Fabolous – You Be Killin Em
Mary J. Blige / P. Diddy / Lil’ Wayne – Someone To Love Me
Lil’ Wayne – 6 Foot 7 Foot
Miguel – Sure Thing

fb ban.

aided by my createordie entry from a couple days ago, i’m basically going to give up doing facebook status updates for a while. if you’re not sure why, the explanation lies in this document below. i’ll probably still use it for social means, though, but not for telling people stupid crap about my life that i’d rather they find out from me personally, i guess. maybe. we’ll see how long this lasts. i’m also basically banning the internet on weekday evenings. we’ll see how this goes. so far so good. so far has only been a couple days, though, but in that couple days i’ve been quite productive in other ways…

anyway.

just spent the majority of the evening — this saturday evening — sewing stupid shit on old samples for blinds (like the kind you put on your windows) and watching clips from old-school horror movies and episodes of “are you afraid of the dark?” and “tales from the crypt” (i love “tales from the crypt” so much) and the old music videos, starting with the supremes cause i totally had “baby love” stuck in my head for no reason. ending with talking heads’ “slippery people”… but lots in-between, including bush, no doubt covering elvis, gavin rossdale covering elvis, buddy holly, nirvana, blehblah, duran duran <3 <3, the mamas and the papas (bush has been coming up in conversation a lot lately).

the beginning:

the end:

my roommate shawn is moving to the east coast for a couple months to take up blacksmithing because it’s a trade that’s in the family and it’s good to learn if that’s the case… and well, we’re having a pretty epic horror movie marathon tomorrow where we’ve asked friends to offer up their favorite horror movie clips. shawn has been compiling them like a madman and has been spending a lot of time on it. it’s going to be stupendous. it might be also one of the last movie night / potlucks we have at our place in a while since shawn’s going to be gone, and he might also sell his big-screen television. we shalt see!

all freakin’ night in olympia is also on november 20th this year. i was going to go on a road trip, probably around then… so we’ll see if i can make it. i would like to make it… especially since i missed it last year :[ there’s these events i want to go to every year always, and this is of them…!

“so keep your heart strong and love love and give kisses when you can.”
kisses – kisses.
(yes, song and band name are the same.)

no real time to think.

listening to: “cherry” by ratatat, “reh. vuh. lee” by the helio sequence, “come a little closer” by brandy. keke.

i don’t really like cupcakes but cupcake royale cupcakes are yummy.
but they fucked up my order. i asked for four of kate.
they gave me four of mr. formal! BITCHES. he lacks personality.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
to make it worse they give you a DOZEN. not a baker’s dozen. WTF!
at least i made a homeless dude selling real change kinda stoked.
he said he always sees people with cupcake royale cupcakes
and that he feels bad asking for one because they’re expensive.
as i was walking back to my parked car, he said hello to me…
for some reason, i instinctively said, “i don’t have money,” which was a lie.
i didn’t have a dollar (the price of real change) but i did have a twenty.
i offered him a cupcake to make up for lying to him (not like he knew).
he chose to take one of plain ol’ mr. formal, and then said of cupcake royale:
“they’ve come a long way. i’ve enjoyed watching them grow.”

—

in a nutshell, this past week:
- sold $1k of advertisements in the next issue of redefine… by myself. *self-pat-on-back. profitable? no. not yet.
- worked ass off because trendi hath launched our beta!!! final-freaking-ly. sign up if you like clothes. or if you like to be critical of other people’s clothes?
- celebrated gildas’ birthday. went to dinner at a korean restaurant and had much too much food.
- celebrated alex’s birthday. bought him a lavender cupcake from cupcake royale (aka the best cupcakes ever). had a “birthday topper”, which was a plastic ax. (on saturday, i will give gildas a cupcake… his topper will be a pink ballerina. i know, i’m twisted.)
- watched “live free or die hard”… yeah, ridiculous. and kind of awesome.
- finally played a bout of diablo 2. my character was going to expire in 56 days, oh no!!!!
- went to an eisley show with ryan — openers were vedera and the myriad (who we tried to interview a million years ago, but they were poor at following up with us). eisley pretty much sucked the first half. it was disappointing. the second half was better. but sheri is picking up some really terrible singing habits, that’s for sure.
- the projector, aka my former best friend, has been taken away by chris. to where? I DON’T KNOW. maybe it’s back now, actually… i should check.
- went to dean zulich’s art institute of seattle hall of fame induction. i freaking didn’t stick around for the food, though, and instantly regretted it upon leaving. lul.
- got my *first* letter back from a prison inmate!!!!!!!!! christopher davis, of oklahoma. i will scan in soon.

what i think next week will be like:
- trying to harass more people into buying redefine ads.
- working ass off more for trendi’s beta launch.
- celebrating no birthdays.
- lots of movies, courtesy of netflix and screeners from the seattle international film festival.
- “party in the park” at the olympic sculpture park. free ticket. heck yes.
- cirque du soleil CORTEO!!! YEAHHHHHHHHH. it’s been a while. like a year and a half since i’ve seen a cirque. mmmm. and this one was special expensivo tickets.
- camping at the olympic peninsula for memorial day weekend. hiking, biking, kayaking? YEY-YER.
- continuing to wonder what happened to GOOD DAMN R&B, MATE.

uh no shout to the lord on american idol is NOT OK.

dammit i have to post about this because no one else is.

american idol had their “charity” portion last night, and they closed it out with “shout to the lord.” WHAT THE FUCK. i find it hard to believe that all of the people currently on that show are christian. and if they are not all christian, why would they be okay with this?

not only that but PEOPLE are okay with it. i was looking on the internet to see if there was any controversy about it, and most of the comments are more along the lines of, “WOW THAT WAS SURPRISING, BUT GREAT! JESUS IS LOVE! I LOVE GOD! GOD GOD GOD! PRAISE THE LORD!”

you are all fucking idiots.

some quotes…

“Please christians, be amazed that God was given honor on national TV, not that 2 words were changed, get over yourself and be grateful!! God can use anything and I cried when I heard those terrific young singers sing about my Lord!!” — SOME BLOG SITE

“I agree Coleygirl! YES most know this song is about our SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST! Praise GOD for a number one TV Show that is proud to PRAISE his name! Plus the best Singers ever have come out of GOSPEL MUSIC! Hooray for AMERICAN IDOL !” — YOUTUBE

*insert some other quote that was even better, about how we don’t know the earth is more than a million years old blahblahblah… youtube isn’t allowing me to find it again*

“I have been a big Idol fan, but now, I think I will boycott the show. If I don’t, what kind of example am I setting for my children? Its not lukewarm, it is wolves in sheeps clothing trying to dilute, devalue,re-direct focus, blasphemy……….Oprah kind of religion. I don’t think some of the contestants even thought about this…….? Its a free country,I know, but “Christ followers” must listen to the Holy Spirit when these events occur and know that this is not Christ Jesus that is beng praised. Its “whatever” God you believe in. I am very disappointed, but not surprised. If I was a Idol contestant and professed myself as a “Christ follower”, believe that Jesus is God and he is the only way to salvation through repentment, commitment, and belief……….I could have never sang the song the way they did.” <– CHRISTIAN WHO IS UNHAPPY THAT “JESUS” WAS TAKEN OUT OF THE SONG AND REPLACED WITH “SHEPARD”

“Alpha, Omega, begining, and end, Savior Messaiah, Redeemer and Friend, Prince of Peace. Only one can say that. Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. And think. All you have to do is accept Him, believe in Him, and surrender your life to Him. We have it easy. He DIED for us.” <– YOUTUBE

THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING INSANE.

nipple shields and piercings, piercings.

i knew about the whole justin timberlake and janet jackson superbowl boobie mishap, and i had seen photos of it or whatever, but i’d never really thought about what it was on her boobie. i thought it was something like what lil kim had on her outfit here:

in reality, what was on her boobie was nothing like what lil kim had!!! it is a fucking nipple shield. i had never heard of these until today :0 :0 i stumbled upon it today while randomly surfing the web, and all i have to say is, wtf! i guess it’s kind of cool though, i guess.

anyway, rachel wanted to get her nose pierced the other day, and she mentioned it to me. then i thought, hell, i’ve always wanted to get my lip pierced, so why not get it now? so i did.

alex came with us, and er, i’ve had this dragonfruit drink in my car for like……………………… 80 years. and by 80 years i mean at least 2 months. it tasted like shit. made in thailand, imported to mexico, sold in the united states. HAHAHAHAHA. so i’ve had dragonfruit before and i don’t much like it, but it’s tolerable. this one, as alex described, tasted like ONIONS. and it was like eating FOOD, not drinking a fruit juice. hahaha. i don’t know if it is because i left it in my car for so long or if it actually tasted like shit, though. MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES, INDEED.

i picked up rachel at her apt and she was wearing this sick 80s-inspired getup. according to alex, people on the streets loved her outfit also and did double takes or something. you can’t see her high-top (are they high-top???) nikes in this pic, though. before i got there, she also text-messaged me asking if i wanted “a cup-o-soup” and i was thinking, WTF?? she literally brought a cup of chicken noodle soup and a plastic cup of water into my car. pretty damn good idea but still it was WTF-ish. haha.

the guy at laughing buddha in capitol hill was named luis. he was fucking hilarious. it only came out to $41… WAY cheaper than i thought it was going to be. i expected at least $50. *__* of course, as with all new piercings, it is ugly and silver (BLECH) and huge. i can’t wait to change it out for something smaller. blech. so big. alex and i went to eat a costa’s in u-district (mmmm) after getting the piercing and it was damn good, but eating the lemon rice soup was oh-so-very difficult :0 :0 :0

here’s a photo. closed eyes because the flash is death. *__* and no flash = blurry.

i just watched “queen of the damned” on netflix… you know, the aaliyah vampire movie… last thing she did before she died, practically. it is pretty shitty. but i miss aaliyah. :[

tyrese and tyson beckford are NOT one and the same.

haahahahahahahahaha.

i just got off the phone with sherry we went to new york this past week for some photographer conference. she went to a restaurant and there was this good-looking african-american guy. she was staring at his gorgeousness and wondering who it was. she didn’t want to ask the table, though, for she was with a client. finally, she could bear it no more and asked. one lady looked and then flipped out about how she was a huge fan of tyrese (she, who was evidently married with two kids) and said that it was tyrese. she knew, because she had seen tyrese’s movie, “baby boy,” three times.

she obstained from speaking to tyrese until after the meal, when she was convinced by her friends to go and speak with tyrese. she did. she went to tyrese’s table and talked to him about how she was a huge fan, and talked to his mother about how she must be so proud of tyrese. after much complimenting, she finally asked tyrese for an autograph.

tyrese said, “sure, but i’m tyson beckford.”

owned.

she insisted she was STILL a fan, but i’m sure the effect was quite diminished. :O

last.fm

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dieselboy in town.

* song of the moment * – “tough at the top” bai ezrollers [drum n bass]
* mood * – fine, but kinda sickly… mai throat really hurts.

1:17 am — i’m gonna type this ish really quick and then off to bed i go. i’m still hella sick dood… i really don’t know what is going on here. oh well. today was pretty fucking boring. i was going to wake up at like 7:30 in the morning but then i hit snooze and then i kinda stared at my phone for a while debating whether or not i should go to class and then next thing i knew it was 8:40… and by the time i got ready to go to class, well, i’d be super late. so i skipped CSE… again. and then i went to chinese class, archaeology class, and came home and took a ‘nap’ for a good almost five hours. hahaha. that’s not even a nap anymore -__-; that’s some shit though, because i am / was STILL tired. what the fuck, right? -__-;

anyways after sleeping, i went to go study with richard for a little bit and then just got picked up by hyun and andrew to go to the lambda house. they’re starting winter rush now… whee… some of the same people who got rejected from the first rush went. but a couple of newbies. i don’t know how man rushees total. i have like forty fliers left. sam [yoon] gave me a whole shietload and i said i only wanted like five but he gave me the whole frickin stack. and i didn’t pass out a single one! puhaha. oh well. lalala. bunch of drunken and high people. i stayed sober technically because i have chinese test tomorrow and because i didn’t really want to do either. since i can’t drink smirnoff ice -__- but i can drink mike’s hard lemonade! does that make SENSE? fuck weed. weed is nasty. -__-; anyways. throat hurts like a biotch. i got a ride back from veasna early… only stayed at the house for like two hours and then i’ve been studying chinese for an hour or two. going to do some more studying tomorrow morning. why? because i need to fucking ace chinese and archaeology this quarter… i dropped CSE when i came back from the lambda house. so i need to get like a 4.0 or something in other class. won’t happen… but i should at least get some decent grades -__-; i got a 64% on my first archaeology test. good lord. next one better be better. it’s next week *dun dun dun! chinese… yeah, i’m doing shitty in that too. good lord, what on earth am i doing? -__-;

i really want to go to this thing at nucleus on friday, february 15th… dieselboy is going to be there… and only thirteen bucks! but… very few drum n bass appreciaters around here, so i don’t know. oh well. soooo many concerts this month. mostly hip-hop though! oh! and craig david is coming. but it’s like a forty dollar ticket so i don’t think i’m going to go. oh well. peace outside.

xl, i am not an alcoholic.

* song of the moment * – “track 6″ bai one voice offa their “sincerely yours” album [english].
* mood * – quite lovely.

11:25 PM — i jes got home a little bit ago from jeremy’s frend mehrad’s house / drinking party. it was frightening cuz when we were going into mehrad’s house he jes pointed @ mee and was like, “yur vivian.” i was like… “how did yoo kno?!?!” scariee hehe. blah. it’s sooo boring if yoo dun drink. for mee anyways, since i only knew like five people. er… yeah i knew six people. technically seven. hmmm and then allen [chang] came when i was leaving so that would technically be eight. =P okay, fine, that’s not very few i guess. i wasn’t gonna drink @ first but then i tried some of that smirnoff ice stuff… and it is actually good… so yeah, i drank almost a bottle of that stuff [mooched offa phil [wu] who paid for it! yay… thanks philly wu bean ^_^ cuz i’m broke as hell. ah, well. mehrad’s parents are interesting. they offer to buy their kids alcohol for senior ball and stuff. and they knew they were having a drinking party tonight and they didn’t really care. quite interesting. i think that is koo tho… i think more parents should be like that. cuz they jes took the keys from everyone to make sure that they didn’t drive home… and if that’s the case, then i don’t think it really matters if they drink… yah mon. i wish i coulda stayed longer tho. i wanted to see some drunk people. MAN! hehe. oh well… mai curfew finally moved back to 11:00 PM!!! wahOo! okay, fine, that’s not that great, but still… better than 10:00 PM like i had before… and better also than 10:10 PM ^^* [only certain people would understand that]

anyways, earlier today all the young ppo from our church like jOody, gloria, dave [liu], etc. took mee, sherry, and tin-win out to lunch @ pasta primavera. hahaha i was retarded… i drove to san ramon earlier that morning to open a checking account @ washington mutual with mai mom… and then we thought it was the pasta primavera in san ramon and i couldn’t find it and ended up circling around for a while and then sherry met mee @ the supermarket there and then she realized it was the pasta primavera in dublin. sooo… we drove to dublin and both of us were unsure of where it was exactly and then i kind of got lost again and sherry had to find mee again and take mee there. god, it sure sucks to suck with directions puahaha. so yeah we ate there and it was good. they’re nice ^_^

after that i went with sherry to the dublin target for a bit cuz she wanted to buy plates and silverware and shit for college… uhm… yeah. so we did that and then i went over to jeremy’s house and iono where sherry went… but i was @ jeremy’s house for like 4 hours jes burning cd’s and stuff. got the one voice “sincerely yours” album, the new usher “8701″ album [that didn't burn correctly cuz the last 10 seconds or so of every song are cut off], hmmm some freestyle mix, and uhh… mai david tao cd!!! HE FINALLY GAVE IT BACK TO MEE!! he’s had it for over a year! omg, i was sooo amazed hehehe. i was like “wow. wooooow. wow!!!” for the longest time hehehehe. too bad he considers that mai birthday present, but thas besides the point -_- doh and i made him scan pics for mee but i jes checked mai e-mail and i haven’t gotten it so i bet he wrote the wrong e-mail addy. DOH. double doh. well yeah then his frend andrew came over and then i left to go to phil’s house. man, mai mom thinks i am weird cuz i am hanging out with guys so much lately [rather, the guys that i stalk]. hehe. funnie. when i was @ jeremy’s she called mee and i was like, “i’m @ jeremy’s house” and she’s like “jes yoo and jeremy?? where’s sherry? tin-win?? eh??” psycho. hrm… @ phil’s house i jes sat around and ate dinner and jason came in a while and we jes watched tv… watched a lotta “friends”. i can’t believe phil doesn’t like that show. it’s so hilarious. after that we went to jason’s frendz house… cuz jason owes him money or some crap. yah, he dropped off money and then i was being bored to death cuz they were jes sitting there talking about cars and racing and blah… a little boring. i was dying. oh well. we left after a bit cuz jason saw how bored we [or rather, i?] was and yeah… we went to get nai cha — well, i watched them get nai cha and drink it — and then we went to mehrad’s… tin-win was there… so was virginia… blahblah. okay. leaving =)

2:31 AM — talking to a drunken phil wu online. hahahah. i’m taking advantage of his drunkeness and trying to beat him @ different online games ^^* the sad part? he’s still managing to beat mee -_-

(fil’s response:)
For the record, I was not drunk. Buzzed, but not drunk. Virginia was drunk. Jeremy was fucked up.

and i STILL WHOOPED YOU IN CHESS MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

graduation party, buying shit.

* song of the moment * – “happy” bai avant [english].
* mood * – i’m wallowing in bitterness.

urgh. i just came back from maulin’s graduation party thing… yeah, sort of late, but whatever. ugh. everyone else went bowling but i came home early to earn butt-kissing points cuz i want to go karaokeing with karen tomorrow but now mai parents won’t even let mee cuz they think i go out too much. what kind of shit is that??? i’m the only fucking person who stays home on saturday nights [ie yesterday] but that was because they said i had to clean the house. which i didn’t do. which i SUPPOSE is mai fault. but they have no reason for not letting mee go out tomorrow… god i hate this shit… they hear karaoke and then they automatically assume it’s soo evil and stuff. and i even told them it was because karen is going to taiwan in three days and i want to hang out with her before she leaves… and that we’ve been talking about it for helluv long… ugh whatever i guess i shouldn’t even give a shit anymore… i’m used to this kind of shit. and i told them that was the reason i never asked to go anywhere i wanted to go — because they never let mee. and they say they always let mee. mai ass. they only let mee go out in the daytime. and then i never have a car anymore so they expect mee to get people to pick mee up all the time 24/7 if i want to go out… and they think no one goes out everyday… HAHA MAI ASS WHAT THE FUK DO YOO THINK SUMMER IS FOR?? -_-; anyways, no one ever fuking WANTS to pick mee up because geez i live hella fucking far away from the highway and it’s totally out of the way… luckily for mee people actually DO pick mee up [cuz they feel sorry for mee or something] or else i’d be sitting home ALL THE FUCKING TIME. helluv not fair… i hate mai life. not just mine… i hate life in general. what a fuking pointless waste of time, energy, brain power, etc.

okay today we had church and afterwards we went to wherehouse cuz i had a fifty dollar gift certificate… used it to buy avant’s “my thoughts”, incubus’ “s.c.i.e.n.c.e”, and gOogOodolls’ “dizzy up the girl”. that was definitely mai exciting point of the day [how pathetic]. it was koo though cuz i only had to pay less than two bucks of mai own money. tight. then we went to some boring picnic. and then to maulin’s thing. yeah. i’m sick of writing in here.

oh yeah and yoo kno what? the other day mai dad was talking about how he was soo glad i was going to skool outside of california because california was too liberal and he didn’t like it. heh. isn’t that nice? i wonder if he knows how liberal i am.