2:46pm on saturday, july 13th (11:46pm in durban)
at my hotel which is the concierge boutique bungalows… super adorable. i like it a lot, though it is kinda far from the convention center. nonetheless, it hath great style and is mega close to the flea market i wanna go to in the morning, so imma get to bed soon here and wake up to go at like seven. feel so fat from eating all day but just ate a little bread sweet roll thing i had saved from the plane just for fatness’ sake. not used to this kinda luxury of hotelling i gotta say… not that it is bad or anything, but you know.
anyway, nice to be lying and not sitting. watched all the movies today, including field of dreams, which i mentioned below, and stoker… i think i may have talked about that, too… amazingly shot, anyway. later on, i watched revolutionary road because i had recently mentioned it to gina — great thing if quite dark and dysfunctional — then watched part of the fox and the hound but found it too cutesy g-rated to be enjoyable (though i had the thought that showing such wholesomeness to young kids and then working your way up would be a good idea) so i watched oz, with james franco, which was totally kinda awesome as it portrayed oz as just kinda a whoever. i enjoyed it a lot. anyway. rawr. emperor’s new groove is on tv right now… yeahhhhh. imma get rolling. people will soon be rolling for nako’s birthday and i am sad to not be there. and a lil paranoid, though that seems unreasonable completely! rawr. i dunno. lots of things. brainnnnn.
9:59pm on friday, july 12th (+9 hours in johannesburg)
now is when timing and journaling gets all sorts of tricky, which is one of the most annoying parts for me. feel like this adventure has been going forever already, but it has only just begun; we are only a day into it, literally, and i miss things already, feel disconnected from communication. it has come to be that while traveling is still fascinating, i no longer feel extremely compelled to do it alone, save on special occasions… and i do wonder what might happen in the event that troy starts touring regularly… hopefully i will be able to go. regardless, i don’t quite know how power couples with insane schedules manage it — the time apart or the growth during the time apart. it seems that right now, relationship-wise, we are in a pretty comfortable place, and that is certainly largely due to my easing up my curiosity on other fronts, and just generally feeling like things / we are more loose, a little less co-dependent, though i still get darked out about things… but i am certainly trying to do that less…
it is hard, though; i get vibed out so easily. he was on the coast with his family the past couple days (sorry to have missed it) and i wanted to talk to him before i left today on the phone. he was bad about texting back, and ultimately was able to talk right when he was returning the car and being stressed out about getting a ride to work, but i dunno. i was a little bummed in talking to him because it was so very dry and distracted, and i wanted some comfort in the thing… dunno… our two-year anniversary is the 14th, and i was really hoping he would plan something in celebration before we left, as he had said we should, but of course that didn’t happen, and then i was a bit bummed whenever scheduling about his going to the coast or his brother coming into town came up, just because i was waiting with bated breath to see if there would be something (there wouldn’t be) and then being ready to be bummed if there wasn’t (there wasn’t). i dunno. i guess we will see if he remembers day-of or not… leaving is just always strange, though, as i am the one making the plans since the time is controlled by me… and i just don’t much like it… it feels sad…
i have been thinking lately what with people like ingmar’s lover leaving town for good… how it is that people cope with that… with someone yo love needing to leave permanently, to do something, to go somewhere, you can’t go… and learning to let that go… it seems hard, tragically sad… i dunno. i hope i don’t have to deal with that. it does make me happy lately, on the other hand, when i see the people, the couples, who are together in late age and are still seemingly blooming with love and adventure and conversation… is it possible? i think so? i also think about how most of the times, when we part, it is so dramatic… it is interesting… what does it mean… oh yeah, in field of dreams today, one of kevin costner’s lines when the baseball team showed up and the family was watching it was like, the weirdest, most heart-felt, “this is really interesting.” i dunno. the line really stuck with me because it is one you hear in life just plenty but never in films… it is almost too simple, too boring, too obvious… but when said by kevin costner in that way, it was just really… i dunno. really sweet or something. i loved it, and it was my favorite thing in the movie, though there were plenty of other good things. it is pretty exceptionally strange, about ghosts and following crazy intuition to the end, and i like that. cool that it was ever a big movie. and kevin costner kinda reminded me of chris a little.
anyway, we took a red-eye flight last night to atlanta and got in at like 6am. i dunno if i am just completely confused about timing and directions on all flights, in general, but it was only 4 hours to atlanta from portland, and that seemed incredibly short to me. i don’t think (judging by my coworkers’ reactions when i said this) that it actually is. that is just normal. weird. anyway, we checked into westin bright and early ($150! god, am i from such a different universe of existence right now, though i am certainly pumped on getting to stay in hotels and be fancy, cause it is niiiiiice). i had been planning on sleeping a teeny bit and then rolling into town since i have never been to atlanta, but because ray wanted me to sleep a bit, i guess, suggested that i just go into town and skip the lunch meeting with their business partner since it doesn’t really involve me anyway. i was definitely more than stoked on this, though because i had to take the hotel shuttle (because i asked them about the city bus and none of them had a finger-lickin clue), the start was slow-going. ended up at underground atlanta at noon, which yelp reviews described as “hood” and “not a mall”, but actually, it is exactly the type of mall i am into… cheap things, kinda grimy, fashionable. yeah. one person’s description had been like, “don’t go here unless you like airbrushed t-shirts” and while i was initially skeptical if i wanted to brave the “danger”, that line actually convinced me. ha. it is true that upon approaching it the entire upstairs level of the mall looked completely bombed out, serving as storage for what was, but the actual underground was totally cool. they have lots of stores, most selling more or less the same thing, but definitely some super tight asia-imported fashions. in some ways, though, they are kinda better than the selection of things i found in china (definitely not taiwan though) as they are well-curated. and they are old; in this case, one of the things that is currently super in is pleather and mesh futuristic clothing, be that onesies or dresses or whatever. picked myself up a onesie of black mesh and pleather, with an awesome short bottom, and it is admittedly kinda scandalous, but man, am i a huge fan!! there were a lot of pieces i saw that i liked, but that one was kinda a… yeahhhhhh this is happening… kinda deal. the only thing i have to watch out for is that i can’t be doing that and eating like a fatass (stummies show big time) but that is probably good summer training after all.
it was humid as fuck in HOTLANTA — god do i love that name… and as we deplaned i was immediately amused by the place. lightrail service called “plane train”; fried chicken ads on the “plane train”; confusing airport where we couldn’t find cab pickup; lady on the curb with taxi drive and the cops… there musta been some kinda pricing dispute because in the last moment that we walked by, she handed him forty bucks and said she wasn’t no liar and gave him the “talk to the hand” hand, and that pleased me endlessly. i was also surprised by how many african africans there were (taxi drivers, including ours, in particular). our taxi driver was old and kinda hunchbacked and i dunno i wanna say from nigeria or something… regardless, his existence just made me think about what it might be like to be an aging african african in america… or other kinds of people, for that matter… because i know somewhat the existences of my grandparents, but i am curious about those other people… how are their communities? their relationships to america-born or grown kin? it is all extremely interesting…
ahhhhhhhhrhhhhhhhhhhhhh. yeah. what else. i dunno. there was this interesting thing where wafts of fried chicken and chinese food would stick in the air in humid clouds. i felt at some points like the entire city of atlanta smelled of delicious grease. when we pulled into the westin last night, also, a couple tour busses were there. one was normal and white; the other was like, spraypainted… and though i didn’t get a good look, it did have an afro-woman on there, so that is pretty tight.
after the underground today, i overshot streets for a while until i ended up at a soul food place that was extremely okayyyy though they did have super amazing creamed yam. that is the only thing, though; the fried chicken was totally whatevers… rawrrr… kinda wish i had gone to the caribbean restaurant i had passed instead because that is something i know less about… and in retrospect shoulda, but i guess i was unbending on my original intent. the soul food place did have a cool fam-run vibe, though, so there’s that.
i think sometimes about the period of time troy and i were broken up and how crazy some of those entries might have been ahhahaha.
anyway. i had to come back at 3:30 to the hotel, so i was told, so i rushed back to the hotel. turns out i didn’t really need to be back until 4:30 which is a bit of a bummer because i wanted to go to little five points, the supposedly cooler countercultural part of town, but i didn’t manage since… time. arghhhh. woulda been nice, i am sure. vintage shops and random fun-looking buildings. oh well. maybe next time i am in HOTLANTA.
probably about ten more hours on the plane. good god. i just watched two movies… field of dreams, which i have been wanting to watch forever and was totally far out and amazing and awesome, and stoker, which was absolutely beautiful and profoundly weird, in a good way. and nicole kidman is just always so godamn hot, and never-aging or something.
oh yeah also our 10 more hours on the plane only gets us to johannesburg… more time required waiting at the airport and then flying to durban. horrible. i just threw away my old contacts because i forgot to remove them prior to boarding. i only have one other separate pair, so i am definitely hoping i didn’t make a huge mistake!
i think i am done typing for the moment. only brought the ipad on this trip — no laptop — as a sort of email-centric preparedness experiment. we shall see how this fares! and by how this fares, i mean, in particular, how effective i am at running redefine under such circumstances. hopefully pretty effective??? we shalt seeeeee.