huxley.

ejected from my brain this morning in the twenty or so minutes after i woke up. i woke up before any alarm went off today, these words streaming in my mind. it was as though i could not NOT put them down, and for the next half hour of alarm clock-snoozing and cuddling, i was pretty much trying to NOT think about that but failed greatly, instead drafting out the outline of it mid-sleep, subconscious functions a-tickin’. last night gina gave a lecture at praxis talking about how friedrich neitzsche and michael jackson are similar (hehehehehe), and she had previously suggested that i give a praxis lecture about aldous huxley — my main squeeze and ram jam as of late. perhaps not a bad idea, perhaps. in any case, this is the beginning of -something- whether it be the talk i potentially wanna give at research club, the change to redefine’s new mission statement after the website goes up, or perhaps a praxis lecture! it remains to be seen but this is a draft and i’m not even gonna re-read it again right now because i’m on my way up to seattle. so that’s that. also, over the course of the next couple weeks, i have to write up some art installation proposals and pitch them to gabe because i have sooooooooo many art show / installation ideas — they’re pretty much never-ending — and i just need an excuse to do them all. i actually usually write them down in a flash (thanks subconscious), just like the essay below, and pretty much never think about them again until i have reason to. man, i totally live in my subconscious… no wonder i can’t remember jack shit in waking life…

anyway, here goes. hopefully this crap makes sense.

oh yeah, and i am also reading cosmic trigger that troy gave me finally. robert anton wilson’s book. it definitely makes me want to finish mine (which is almost done — just going through my second round of personal proofing). but yeah. it’s funny how books show up in your life when you want them to, if you’re looking for the signs. last night i was talking to paul, and he’d mentioned that he had just finished some book about a priest whose daughter died and as a result started becoming super interested in the occult… and he went to the library later on and just randomly saw a book which really caught his eye — about bringing dream life into waking life — and that the dream book turned out to be written by the wife of the priest dude. crazy, right? crazy. anyway, since i just realized that this post went into the “subconscious” category i created recently, i also just created a “synchronicities” category! wOo! i am wholly frOo-frOo!

and oh yeah, my interview with gardens & villa totally rules…

>>>

When you work in the web industry, you sometimes take for granted the web’s ability to bridge gaps. I don’t think anyone can argue that the benefits of the internet for everyone in the world are many, but it is my opinion that, more than anything, the main benefits lies in these personal links. These links provide, on a basic level, comfort for anyone with leanings toward the esoteric, as they begin to feel that they are not alone in their rare preferences. In fact, in some cases, the presence of the internet may even make one begin to lose sight of the fact that their rare niche interests are, in fact, extremely niche, simply because one can find such a solid community in it. On a more profound level, though, the internet inspires collaboration between like-minded and not-like-minded individuals. The collaborative potential in this is immense, and although it seems maybe obvious when one says it aloud, it is, in fact, in practice, not particularly practiced at all.
These ideas come to mind through a series of events, and upon that series of events have arisen points I would like to focus on. The first begins with my music and art publication, called REDEFINE. I began it seven years ago in Seattle. It was a printed quarterly rag initially, with the goal of promoting talented independent bands that other publications weren’t covering. At the time, that was an important thing because major labels were still of humongous influence and importance. From the very beginning, an extremely juvenile worldview that because what I was doing was so unique – and it quite was at the time – that I did not need to collaborate that much with my peers; they were my competition, not my friends.

Less than five years after I started the publication, it became obvious that the whole industry had changed immensely. While major labels still wield power over certain genres of music, their slice of the pie has gotten much smaller; the amount of music disseminated by independent labels is much, much more prevalent, and particularly prevalent in the styles of music I am interested in. The esoteric is no longer as esoteric as it once was. As a result, many a music magazine and music blog cropped up, and what had previously been REDEFINE’s tagline – “Fighting The Independent Fight” – was no longer as convincing of a tagline, except to those who were still hideously stuck in the past and feeling pity for themselves – because just about everyone was now fighting the independent fight.

This led me to re-assess my publication’s entire mission, as difficult as self-criticism is – particularly for a project that lies near and dear to your heart, which you have been working on for nearly a decade. But it is when I decided to open up my eyes to the collaborative potential offered by the internet that, firstly, I learned to become more satisfied with my product, and secondly, learned to further that project. While some amount of healthy competition is nice, it is also not the only thing that is valuable; cross-promotion between like-minded individuals and non-like-minded individuals is vital to an organization’s growth in this day and age. Particularly because there are so many individuals pursuing interesting ideas and it has become difficult to push your innovative idea into the forefront, if you are a content creator.

Now onto my second point. A couple months ago, I was reading “Ends And Means” by Aldous Huxley. His book “The Doors Of Perception” had originally changed my life and opened up my eyes to a whole subculture of individuals, but it was really when I read “Ends And Means” that Huxley became solidified as one of my heroes, and perhaps my number one hero. “Ends And Means” Is a sociopolitical book in which Huxley details his solution for world peace. Huxley, part-spiritual and part-logical, describes himself as a “rational idealist” – which, as far as I can tell, is a term he coined – and means an individual who is excessively positive and believes in hope for mankind as a whole, yet understands that it must be achieved through small steps and extremely rational means. It’s that simple. “Ends And Means” is a book that changed my life, yet I realized one day when another individual on Tumblr messaged me exclusively because I was reading that particular book, that it is a book that is, firstly, out-of-print, and secondly, hardly read by anyone at all. It’s shocking to me, really, considering the solutions that are laid out in that book. I could write an entire curriculum on that book alone – and, in fact, the only other person on Tumblr reading the book, a third individual, has had the similar idea himself – but there is one central idea I have taken away from “Ends And Means” that has since changed my worldview which I would like to share. That idea is this: “Our discussion of the nature of explanation brings us to the conclusion that causation in human affairs is multiple — in other words, that any given event has many causes. Hence it follows that there can be no single sovereign cure for the diseases of the body politic. The remedy for social disorder must be sought simultaneously in many different fields.”

As obvious as all enlightening points seem when stated aloud, they are not always put into practice. I believe this point is not put into practice enough, and furthermore, is not acknowledged enough. The Occupy Wall St. movement has certainly made that obvious. Everyone is complaining that there is no one central goal, that there is no one central solution – and that is because there isn’t. Causation in human affairs is multiple. There are a myriad of reasons people are currently dissatisfied, and, as a result, a myriad of solutions. The remedy for social order indeed must be sought simultaneously in many different fields. But if that is the case, why is everyone looking for answers in the same place? Why is everyone looking for other people to save them when they could each be pitching in to save us all from ourselves? What little things can we do in our lives to save us from the problems we see in society?

This is where cross-disciplinary collaboration becomes an important thing. Another quote I stumbled upon earlier this year which also changed my life was one from Benoit Mandlebrot, the discoverer of the fractal. He said, “The rare scholars who are nomads-by-choice are essential to the intellectual welfare of the settled disciplines.” And maybe it is a bit vain that, indeed, he was talking about himself – as he was a mathematician who discovered something that affected the fields of biology, physics, and ecology – but I think there is great weight in what he has said. This importance has been heavily obvious in the realm of translation, or perhaps in comparative religion, but there is not enough of this work being done in other fields. I have taken it upon myself to disseminate to others what I think is extremely important knowledge in the 21st century, and I would like to list a number of individuals who are “nomads-by-choice” who have profoundly altered fields of study they are involved with.

Some include:
[Physics dude who linked wave and particle]

In my own personal life, I have eternally been trying to balance the two main parts of me – the Sociologist and the Music Editor. It is with this new attitude of cross-disciplinary collaboration that it really dawned on me that having a music magazine, especially in this day and age, does not at all discount the possibility of stroking the back of me, the Sociologist. And while since 2005 I had always leaned towards doing articles with a social bent – such as features on a tour called the Take Action Tour which gives all proceeds to suicide prevention hotlines – it was a feature that had since fallen by the wayside and been replaced with more traditional music coverage. Now, thanks to Huxley and Mandlebrot, I’ve come to realize that not only can I work with other music blogs to help prop one another up, so to speak – but I can make positive social change through the outlet of a music publication. And it is perhaps here that the most change can be sought, because there is such a low barrier to entry, and many people approach music appreciation in such a visceral way. For most, it is only later that the intellectual components come into play.

recap central: cross-country kamut road trip, day four: denver.

ACTUAL DATE OF TRAVEL: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 16TH, 2011.
SMALL PICTURES WERE TAKEN BY ROSE ON HER IPHONE; LARGE PICTURES ARE MINE.

—
DENVER, COLORADO AND ITS SURROUNDING AREAS

When you’re on a cross-country road trip of such brutal proportions, a day off — any day off — just seems like absolute heaven. Such was the case our first full day of not having any driving responsibilities — we had a day off, being chauffeured around by Kathy and Ed, in Denver and its surrounding mountain town areas. What wonderfulness!

This is apparently me sleeping.

Kathy and Ed’s kitchen. I’m always glad there are other people around to take photos (especially Xinlei for a lot of the trips I go on with her) because, left to my own devices, I focus too much one miniatures and could really seriously care less about anything else…

Breakfast was super chill. Kathy had bought a quiche that was heated up (she’s not horribly amazing at cookery), and I stole some of Ed’s cereal (a non-sugary kind I had wanted to try for a while… but was not impressed, no no)… we ate outside on the patio, and it was super nice… got a good view of some little prairie dogs. Haha. Cutie patOoties!

Then we went to a state park called Roxborough, and it was right next to the famous Red Rocks Ampitheatre (which seriously looks like the most awesome place to see a show — right there next to The Gorge, if not better). Description on a Colorado parks website describes the place as, “More than 1.2 billion years of geologic time are represented by the spectacular red-rock formations found within Roxborough State Park, which is located southwest of Denver. Ecologically, the park is highly diverse as a result of its location in a transition zone between the plains and the mountains. The area’s geological structure has resulted in micro-climates that have produced seven distinct plant communities in a unique mixture of prairie and mountain species. As a result, Roxborough is home to abundant wildlife, including black bear, mountain lion and deer.”

It was about a half hour or maybe more drive to get there from Ed and Kathy’s house (which is actually located in Littleton, Colorado, which I believe was the site of Columbine). It was actually pretty crazy… I wouldn’t think it would matter that Denver is a mile high, but I am apparently so out of shape that slight inclines were initially me wearing me out. My body definitely got used to it after a little bit, but initially I couldn’t catch my breath and I was seriously like, “WHAT THE FUCK!!! HOW AM I THIS OUT OF SHAPE!?!!” I mean — I guess I am still out of shape cause I probably shouldn’t have been out of breath at all, but the fact that it’s a mile high makes it a LITTLE better. Very little, though. Pathetic. The image below is one Rose took, of a view from a teeny tiny little lookout point that took like 1 minute to walk to.

Having traveled so much, places always remind me of other places, and geographic formations always remind me of other geographic formations. This one reminds me of the formations at Cumbe Mayo in Cajamarca, Peru, just a little bit. I guess in some ways it’s funny to no longer be astounded by beauty in nature in such an extreme way, but at the same time, it’s not that it isn’t remarkable — it still is — but it is no longer remarkable in a way where I feel it necessary to constantly say aloud, “Oh my god, this is so beautiful!” but sometimes I forget that other people haven’t traveled nearly as much as I have, and that as a result, they still do need to say these things… sometimes I need to remind myself of that. It’s like with Burning Man, where everyone was like, “Your mind isn’t blown right now????” and I was just like, “No, this feels totally natural to me.” And it wasn’t that I wasn’t impressed by anything that was going on — I was — but nothing felt so incredibly foreign that it was constantly astounding me… it was just like, “Well, clearly this is a environment where anything goes, and here it all is, splayed out, and it is just going.” I guess there is nothing in the positive realm of things that people do that really blows my mind anymore; the things that blow my mind are more in terms of things that exist in the universe, or the really truly horrible things that people can do. I don’t consider this jaded, though… it just seems like… tolerant. But maybe is my skewed view. But anyway…

Well, we didn’t see many animals, though we did see a praying mantis that was sitting real pretty and nice… which is pretty cool, since I have never actually seen one before… it was just sitting there forever. Such beautiful things!

Apparently Colorado peaches are a big deal. Or at least this is what they kept telling us.

We later on went to the mountain town of Georgetown. Small mountain town with cute little tourist shops, fresh air, etc. Think it was very much reliant on tourism, and one of the shop owners mentioned to Kathy that the reason was coming to an end because the days were getting drearier.

We took a tour of a place called the Hotel De Paris, which was pretty interesting. We were not allowed to take photos inside, but the place had a really interesting history, with a founder (Louis Dupuy, though that was his fake name because he was running from the law in France or something) who knew nothing about architecture but a lot about business, and he did really clever things like saving money where it didn’t matter (in terms of striking visitors with a good impression) and spending money where it did matter. For example, he had these really ornate table legs on his dining room tables but when you lifted up the table cloths, the tables were just crappy wooden planks. Or he would get slightly mismatched objects that looked just close enough alike that no one would really notice unless they were really studying them in-depth. Clever dude. Also used a hotel to try and spread his ideas about good hygiene — through hand-washing, less people in an individual room, etc. Through the tour we learned that Coors Beer was founded around the same time and that they were contemporaries, and that Super 8 was also around at that time (but was much lower-class than this particular hotel). The lady who was giving us a tour totally had a crush on the dude posthumously — it was very obvious — and we all definitely got a kick out of that. Here’s a before and after shot of the place just because it’s interesting:

One of the shops, being hella senile and shit. I got a major, major kick out of the tennis balls. Major. Side note: As we were leaving this shop, Kathy destroyed one of Ed’s sunglasses, which I guess was like… the fifth one she’d destroyed in a couple months or something. Not sure how the woman even does it!

The Trading Post was a cute little shop there. The store owner was a cute little man. He got really excited about taking a photograph of us and dressing us up. This picture below frightens me a lot because I feel like I look like Yee-Ma. Lord fucking god.

There was this really cool antique shop and bookshop in town where I found an excellent book (I read the first few pages and definitely needed it; don’t remember what it was, but it was about travel and one guy’s adventures, basically, and it was a very, very old book…). I thought it was $15.00 or something, which was cheap, a splurge for me because I didn’t need it. Turns out it was actually $45.00, and the $15.00 was a leftover remnant. The shop owner said that they liked to keep those older prices of the books on the books because it spoke to the book’s legacy, and I really liked that. They had wonderful books in there. When I explained to Rose the situation and why I didn’t buy it, she said, “They didn’t honor that?” and I said that it made sense that they wouldn’t… and she said something like, “You’re a good person,” which is the strangest response to that thing because to me, that’s just what makes sense…

On the way back to Littleton, we stopped by another little town, but again, there wasn’t so much except for a little town and some shops. And apparently a pizza joint that is totally the jam, but we didn’t really eat at it (constant abstinence from food, I’m tellin’ ya!). Not sure what makes a Colorado pizza a Colorado pizza, though. I’d be curious to find out sometime. Then we went back to the place and ate some roasted veggies, bean dip, tortillas, etc. that Kathy had bought the previous day, and it was like, presto! Instant meal from a bunch of pre-made things! But it was good, and there was some fucking jamming queso, hah. NOMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

After it got later, Rose and I wandered downtown and just wandered. Here are some of the things we found…

13th and Sherman St. I’m not at all interested in this mural. What I am interested in (but we did not get to eat at) is this vegan and vegetarian restaurant right next door to it, called City O’ City… it was so nice-looking and so hoppin’… then again, Denver was just a hoppin’ place, in general…

This is a truck next to a show we walked by, which I knew Troy would kill me for not going to… George Clinton and Parliament Funk! AND IN DENVER? I’m sure it woulda been fucking awesome. Unfortunately, it was also like $45. A dude in line who answered my question about what it was insisted that we should go, and I mighta, but the price was just a bit too steep for the two of us.

Denver’s downtown area (pictured above) was just in general kind of rad. Here were some of the extremely large-scale installations found there, that again, makes stupid Seattle’s Sculpture Park seem just so dumb… (someday I’ll get over how much that thing sucks…)

After going downtown, we visited Gypsy House Café (1279 Marion St.) a bit north from downtown Denver. IT HELLA RULED. Man. If I had this in my town I would DEFINITELY go there everyday. I’m talking… normal bookworms, Muslim women, gothic kids galore. It was fucking fascinating. And they had hookah. And they had a super vegetarian-friendly menu. Shit ruled so hard. I think there was a venue attached to it in the back (where I suspect some kind of goth show was going on??) but I can’t really be sure.

Anyway. I eavesdropped on a LOT of conversation, mostly on our peer-aged Muslim gal pals who were talking a LOT about makeup, and one of them was talking about how she went canoeing fully covered but pulled her head veil back because, “A hijab tan is the worst thing ever.” I thought that was just the most hilarious thing… they also talked a lot about how people would welcome them to the United States after they said they were from Colorado, even though they were born in the States, just because people wouldn’t believe them. Bum deal.

This is a sign found in their bathroom. Fun one.

After working at Gypsy House Café for a good hour-and-a-half or something, we decided to go onto Larimer Square, which Ed had said would be a “happenin’” part of town… and it definitely was, though in a frat boy-y kinda way.

What we ran into on the way there was fucking Denver’s OKTOBERFEST! We were clued in by this really horrible metal-punk-Irish band, complete with accordion, but even more obnoxious than one might ever expect from a band like The Dropkick Murphys, even. God, that shit just doesn’t work for me and just never has, though I applaud their efforts… I guess…

My eyes were definitely popping out of my head when I saw these marshmallow treats, and I was definitely wondering, “WHAT THE FUCK!?! WHY DON’T OTHER PEOPLE USE OTHER KINDS OF CEREAL THAN RICE KRISPIES FOR MARSHMALLOW TREATS? GENIUS!!!” I mean, it’s not that novel of an idea really but it so is, too… I think I need to combine my newfound love for Peanut Butter Puffins (seriously, the best thing ever…) and make marshmallow treats using those… omg omg omgogmaogmoamgoagmoagmoamg. I am already pre-dying with taste satisfaction. RECIPE FORTHCOMING ZOMG. OMG AND I CAN ADD SOME BANANA TOO HOLY SHIT.

The rest of Oktoberfest is what one might expect: a bunch of drunken idiots milling about. But everyone seemed to be in high spirits, extremely friendly, and bro-y, but in a different way from the usual bro. They were all like skater-snowboard bros, which is a more tolerable kind of bro (and which, up until recently, I hadn’t really considered a bro, but they are bros in other people’s eyes, I guess). MM-HMM. Yeah, I’m kind of a boring counterpart to these kinds of things just because I don’t like, party. Or drink. So I just kind of sit, and for some people, it’s weird to go to a bar with me as I do not drink or whatever. With multiple people it’s fine, but with just one person, it’s sometimes like, well, might as well not.

Along the way back, we passed one of many marijuana dispensaries, but this one is particularly dope because it’s built out of an old gas station. Caaaamoooonnn. That totally rules…

Anyway, got sidetracked there. This was just a funny thing we happened upon walking by a tall skyscraper building… and both of us did a double-take — for good reason, obviously.

That was pretty much the end of the evening. Crawled home and back to bed.

subconscious idiot/genius.

i’m listening to… emil & friends’ new album, lo & behold. first time listening. haven’t decided what i think yet. interesting, yes, but i really loved the ep and this i am this far not that amazingly stoked on. dude is obviously talented as all hell, though, and doing something interesting, and i’m sure his live show hella kills…

i just woke up with some ideas that compelled me to actually physically wake up and do shit. ughhhhh i am ridiculous. see below for email i just drafted to gina because… my subconscious is so ridiculous!!!!!

so
as usual my subconscious is simultaneously being a major idiot and genius. for some reason, in one of my four wake-up-with-ideas states-of-mind this morning, i woke up with some idea for you to rearrange your room. clearly you don’t need to do this but i thought i’d pass it on…

i was thinking that if you turned your bed 90′ from the way it is right now, your bed could be used as some kind of couch for movie-watching, and where all your records are right now could go at where the foot of your bed is right now. the projector could go next to one end of your bed (the far end). would make your room bigger and your bed more a couch.

why the fuck am i thinking about this shit?

also kinda had to just wake up because i just had an idea for an art piece i would do. ugh. what the fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk! in any case, think i’ll pitch that piece to place sometime… woo sugars and candies and caffeines! makes the brain crazy but very productive! it’s sunrise outside right now! the sky is nice and pink and purple. looks pretty dope…

arf. arf. arf.

how was the rest of your night?

also, were t_____’ friends annoying yesterday? he apologized for their presences and that they were obnoxious, though i personally didn’t especially notice at the time…??

vivian

last night, we had a mini-party at our place that went til pretty late — like 2am or something — because rose and maddy are leaving. and cause i’m leaving for a month, a week from now. which is crazy!!! here’s the description originally posted for that party, although we didn’t end up bedazzling anything! i did manage to bust out the crazy shirt from camboria that lenny’s mom bought me, though, cause it is a hella bedazzled shirt with “burberry” written onto it in glittery rhinestones. pretty amazing…

hello fine ladies and gentleman residing in the greater portland area!!! if it would behoove you to join us for this eve of festive gathering and camaraderie, you would be very much a delightful and welcome addition.

vivian and rose shall be departing on a month-long cross-country road trip, beginning the 13th of september — which will culminate in rose “peacin out dis bitch whut whut”.

similarly, maddy shall also be “peacin out dis beeeeeyotcccccch!!!!!!!!!!!!” on the 11th of september, though her route will take her throughout the southwest and back to minnesota.

to celebrate their life growths, we iz sayin bai with potluck n dranx and steez. come by and hang oos.

OH YEAH AND BRING A PIECE OF CLOTHING N LEZ BEDAZZLE SUM SHIT. (YES, THERE IS A BEDAZZLER.)

BLING BLINGIN ENCOURAGED. THERE WILL BE STREAMERS, EVEN!

holla dolla. herndy verndy.

i also finally got robby and matt to meet, which i am particularly stoked about, since they both really like math and shapes, and are two human beings who i respect artistically to the utmost degree. both of their websites, respectively: robbykraft.com and mattleavitt.com (see also: interview with matt on redefine)

as i am currently sitting outside on our patio — it is 6:28am — i am being harassed by our local neighbor cat, aka (by shawn) scruffy cat. scruffy cat always wants the love and is totally cute as fuck, and i would be way more open to her hanging out and climbing all over me if someone would just cut her claws. she’s constantly scratching the shit out of me without meaning to, i’m sure, because she’s totally cuddly and all love. c’est la vie. man, troy has all the animals!! he has like three animals that are constantly running into his room because his door doesn’t latch. but that’s neither here nor there… just needed to say… it’s been quite a while since i’ve regularly associated with animals. it’s kind of nice.

might sublet prince rama’s apartment with rose, if they’re into it, and then i’d have a place in bedstuy in brooklyn, next to pratt, and that’d be hella rule. i think i’m going to have my apartment subletted too, so i would actually be saving money on rent and would have a dope part of brooklyn to live in (one i actually wanna explore, and really wanted to explore last time). this trip is coming together rad… all of a sudden a bunch of people popped out of the woodwork — acquaintances and such — who are contacts in detroit. also, a street photographer gave me a list of abandonments in detroit to check out, and was super glad to share. i’m excited as all hell. i haven’t taken photography for quite a minute because frankly, i just haven’t been giving a shit (seriously, that trip to vietnam turned me off on photography so hard even though i had some good images from that set)… but hopefully this time will bring me back to liking photography in the same way that i liked it when all-you-can-jet was going on a few years prior.

(side note: as of just now i’ve just added a new category to my sidebar: subconscious)

it was in a recent conversation that i discussed with rose that intuitive me knew “better” than reality me. she was skeptical about that and said it was dangerous, but i said it hasn’t proved me wrong yet. and it hasn’t, man. subconscious me has the BEST fucking ideas. meditative states and the spaces between sleep and wake are where i get the best ideas, easily, because waking me is way not that profound all the time. haha.

aaron and i had a conversation last week about that concept, as well, where aaron was talking about how maybe the fourth dimension was a connected interwoven “sense of everything being one”, which is interesting because i’m reading the tao of physics and i happened to pick it up again that day that aaron and i hung out, and in it it was simultaneously talking about how the fourth dimension for physicists was space-time, where time is on one continuum that is constantly flowing and constantly happening at once, and how for mystics, it is a “place” devoid of space and time, but is nonetheless moving forward. that same concept came up in conversation with troy and andrew last night, where troy was talking about how creation is what is constantly moving us forward in time — creation both in terms of human creation and universe creation — and it is something i intuitively feel. i lately had a conversation with andrew, after watching a documentary about the mayan interpretation of 2012, about what might potentially happen in 2012, should something actually happen. what i was talking about was a “balance” of sorts, because that’s what the mayans feel will happen, essentially, where an intuitive female power will start taking influence again, and the “western” mode of rational thought will stop being as dominating and important. i mean, if you look at the state of the world right now, it seems perhaps possible that the current trend of western hyper-logical thinking isn’t necessarily working on a global scale. and in terms of musical creations and artistic tendencies, there is definitely a return to less structured, intuition-based spontaneous creation without forethought. there is also a return to primalism of sorts. will all of this culminate at the end of 2012 into this insanely crazy shift of mental proportions? i dunno. it sounds crazy to believe that something might actually happen, but i feel it. but then again, this is what andrew said that his parents in the ’60s felt… that things seemed ever so crystal-clear to them and they thought, “if only everyone could get it and see things as we do…” but no one ever got it. but i dunno. that’s why i think 2011 is so bloody important and why there are many an idea in my head of things i need to accomplish by the end of the year (first and foremost being my book) because i feel they are important, particularly in this time, right here, right now. god, it feels crazy to feel that way. well anyway, back to what i was talking about. i was talking to andrew about 2012 being a potential shift in balance, and that that would perhaps lead to a small group of people who are intuitive and logically-minded to pave the way for positive change (like our group of friends right now… this is another thing that was recently touched upon… when we were at helsing junction, gina was reading a joseph campbell book, talking about cultural monads, and essentially, how, through the artist and music, we can make great cultural change because they are the ones who touch culture at large… and essentially, gina and i are doing this to some degree right now, along with many other people…) … … in response to this, andrew’s thought was… “if everyone becomes good, doesn’t that destroy the balance of all things?” and while i agree with that theoretically, i tried to give the example that although there is always the presence of good and evil in everyone’s lives, it is, after the existence of those things, a choice for one to figure out which route they would take in their own lives. the same set of circumstances thrust upon different people would yield different results. one might spiral downwards while another floats to the top. that kind of forward momentum is something that undeniably exists — the third aspect of what would otherwise be a duality. the third aspect is what makes the change, whatever that third aspect is. whether it be choice, or creation, or some kind of otherwise undefined forward-propelling momentum. (WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT GHHAHFHHHHHHGAHHHHH!)

other than that, jeff was talking to me last night about how a lot of writers who are nobodies, such as i, and him, get friends to act as publisher, and that these friends will support one another. publisher would basically be… your friend prints your book and backs your product because they feel it is important, and it’s less vain than publishing your own shit and trying to push it on other people. but the problem is my thing is fairly lengthy and i don’t exactly want a chapbook… i want a nicely bound actual book. we’ll see. perfect-bound shit is pricey shit, after all. and i know that some people publish through lulu.com but i haven’t properly researched that just yet.

anyway. lastly. i wanna share a small selection of photographs from helsing junction that rose recently sent me from our trip that past weekend, cause they are nice. if anything, traveling with rose for the next month is going to result in one million thousand photographs! holy hell!

oh, and, generally speaking, i’ve been loving on this song so hard (see my review)

OH YEAH and. last edit for the morning as it just hit 7:00am… and i should go back to taking a nap since i went to bed at 2:30am and shit…

THEY RECENTLY DISCOVERED A DIAMOND PLANET THE SIZE OF JUPITER!!!

i found out about it from troy through this time magazine article but funnily enough i just realized this one person is following me on wordpress (thx mang) and he wrote a pretty in-depth post about it, if you wanna check it out here.

in other news, my “tags” for each individual post are getting more and more “out there” with every entry… haha.

haiti.

crisis.

anyway. the haiti shit is fucked up. i haven’t even looked that much into it, to be honest… i’ve mostly refrained. but it’s pretty obvious it’s fucked beyond belief; i mean, the people of haiti (port-au-prince, anyway) didn’t have enough to eat to begin with, without the fucking earthquake. what the fuck are they going to do now?

anyway, i looked at my money. i donated $10 to the red cross via text message the other day. i donated $5 to sargent house to get a music sampler at http://sargenthouse.bandcamp.com/album/sargent-house-rodriguez-lopez-productions-holiday-2009?auto=mp3-320 (their profits are going to doctors without borders — www.doctorswithoutborders.org). i donated $100 to doctors without borders.

but still… i’m looking at i have $3,000 in my account, and it just doesn’t look like enough.

it’s like… how much should i give to be logically sound and still be able to help out the people enough? at what point is enough enough? it seems stupid maybe to even have a hard time about this. but then again, there are a thousand issues everyday that make you feel bad… that make you think you should be doing something different than what you’re doing in your fucking luxurious life.

well, fuck it, i just convinced myself to donate another $50 to CARE (www.care.org).

honestly, i haven’t had this kind of crisis in a long while. i’ve been perfectly content with making myself perfectly content… with trying to sustain the magazine and trying to make a living working for myself, etc. gone were the thoughts that i should work in social work or whatever the hell…

but now, for the first time in a long time, i’m feeling like there’s so much more i could be doing………….. and the question of how much of self to sacrifice to help others is ever popping up. questions, questions, questions.

4:50AM!!!

THE SUN RISES AGAIN ANOTHER EVENING-MORNING.

I actually came home from a bar an hour early this evening to play videogames. How nerdy. But WHAT IN THE FUCK EVER! Counterstrike 4 lyfe? ~__~

I was supposed to go to an art show at Evogear tonight with Rachel but she flaked, so instead I went with Graham and his friend Irish Dave, this forty year-old dude he fishes with, who was nothing like I’d imagined, to the Bit Saloon in Ballard. I’d imagined this super scruffy dude after Graham was talking about how he’d been holed up on a boat in Alaska for all of winter, but no, he was totally like clean-cut and reminded me of… someone… but I don’t know who. Anyhow. Pretty entertaining.

At one point Graham got into a conversation with one of Irish Dave’s friends about the troubles Irish immigrants went through when immigrating to the United States, and I was just sitting on this bar thing (like… metal bar, metal railing bar, not bar inside a bar, bar) and listening to them talk… and it was the most painful thing ever. Irish Dave’s friend was drunk as FUCK and barely understood anything Graham was trying to say, or he would try to say stuff and then get embarrassed and be like, “Oh, man, I’m really kind of buzzed,” when in fact “buzzed” was not the correct vernacular for him to be using, at all. And Graham was really set upon the concept that it was the fact that Irish people were Catholic and America was largely settled by Protestants as the primary reason for the Irish being shunned… and while it was a large reason, Irish Dave’s friend was drunkenly trying to say that the sheer number of people immigrating from Ireland to the United States also played a large role, and that poverty was also a huge role. Graham listened to these reasonings kind of, but was still set upon the schism between Catholicism and Protestantism overwhelming all other reasons. I don’t know if that’s true or not (it may very well be since religion is the bane of all existence), but his insistence was interesting. But yeah, Irish Dave’s friend and Graham were totally misunderstanding one another and clashing heads until Irish Dave’s friend mentioned that he was an Aquarius, and Graham said he was too, and soon they became all chum-chummy and gave each other a long ass hug. It was bizarre, the switch of feelings at the drop of the dime. LOL. Irish Dave’s friend also works helping developmentally-disabled adults… and Graham was like, “I’m part Irish; I’m proud of it!” and Irish Dave’s friend got into this thing about how one should only be proud of being a man and for one’s actions, and not for borders or births or (and he couldn’t come up with the word for this concept beyond the word “social”, so I’m going to fill in the blank or him) socially-constructed ideas. It was cute, and true… but you rarely hear people say stuff like that. Idealistic? Perhaaaaps.

Also ran into a friend of some guys from The Accused, and I mentioned that the lead singer of The Accused is my hairdresser! And the dude was like, “Wow! That’s cool, because girls don’t usually go to Rudy’s Barbershop!” and it’s like… REALLY?!!!

There were some other interesting tidbits of knowledge I gleaned from talking to Graham and Irish Dave, mostly of the random fishing fact variety, or like funny anecdotes from their fishing days, and things. It was enjoyable. And I actually had to drink a nasty ass shot because I wasn’t actually going to go in because there was a $5 cover, but Irish Dave insisted, and then insisted on buying drinks for everyone, so I felt obligated to.

Irish Dave also had this big thing about Americans calling him “dude”, and Graham was laying on the usage of “dude” mega-thick. Almost ridiculously thick.

Actually, on a side note… from hanging out with these fisherman humans, I’ve learned some things about barring I never knew… there are probably others but a couple I remember off the top of my head include that Irish people in Ireland used to not really drink hard alcohol and generally would only sip on beer… and it’s still a lot of the case with real Irish people today… so that they’d be drunk but not American drunk. Another thing is… WHAT THE FUCK! BARS SERVE COFFEE?!!!! WHY HAVE I NEVER KNOWN THIS?!!!

This past year, between the month I’d spent in Portland, going to bars with these guys, and the very, very rare occasional bar outing, I’ve been to more bars than I’ve been like, all the rest of my post-21 days combined. Haha. But I don’t know, I’m feeling more and more comfortable with my state of non-drinking these days that I really don’t give a fuck about waltzing into a bar and not drinking at all. So it’s not so bad.

Oh now that I think about it… Irish Dave was also talking about how when he was younger, he NEVER met minorities, and it wasn’t until he was 14 that he met his first black person ever or Indian doctor because Ireland was so isolated at the time. He said that he was always cool with people of other races or whatever, but simply didn’t know how to interact with them (at least initially) when he finally met them regularly in Dublin or in London or in the United States… and that he would go out of his way to be introductory to them because it was just kind of a rare sight for him. He called it ignorance, and said it was bad, but that it was “cute ignorance.” And that one time, he’d met three Jamaicans in London and was going to take them back to Ireland, he made sure to call his mom beforehand and be like, “I’m bringing some friends over, by the way, three of them are black, just so you know,” because it was so not ingrained into the culture at the time he was growing up and it was almost necessary. Really interesting.

Now, I don’t know much about the history of Ireland, like at all… I just know that it was tumultuous or whatever. Definitely interested in learning more about it now, though…

In other news, I went with Lenny to Super Buffet this afternoon and it was fucking expensive, yo!!!! It was nearly $20 per person after tip, and considering I can’t eat much at buffets anymore, it was totally not worth it. Every time I go there, I think of this fact, but I always fucking forget when I decide to go there. Oh well. Afterwards, we swirled around Northgate Mall for a brief about of time, and I bought a new pair of Vans’ Prison Issue shoes… my favorite shoes… which I’ve had since I worked at Snowboard Connection, which is like, two or three years ago, by now. I hadn’t realized how dirty my current pair of Prison Issues are despite people like my parents and Lenny commenting on just how dirty they are, but man, they’re dirty as fuck. I compared the old ones to the nice, crisp, new ones, where the whites are white and the blacks are black, and the old one’s whites are brown and the blacks are grey brown. Haha.

kbcs 91.3 – a world of music and ideas.

yesterday i did something that is quite unlike my cheap ass, and that was… i donated $52 to a local community radio station, kbcs, 91.3 fm.

it took me a long time to decide this as, you know, $52 isn’t a little bit of money, but i feel that kbcs impacts me in a way no other radio station or tv station really has… ever! for those who are unfamiliar with kbcs — of which there are many — it is an independent, community-run, volunteer radio station based out of bellevue community college. it is the “unhip” version of kexp, 90.3 fm. but in many ways, it is much more a community radio station than kexp will ever be. kexp — as far as i’ve seen — is nothing but music, and often a bit pretentious about that. kbcs, on the other hand, has extremely community-oriented programming that really makes you think. their music selection, when they play music, is targeted towards an older crowd, generally, but it’s sometimes great as well. it’s a bit more global, and like i mentioned, it’s definitely less “cool”.

i first stumbled upon kbcs during one of my “find-a-radio-station-for-tomorrow’s-alarm-clock-wakeup” sessions. i’m not much a fan of too many morning shows in the area, but i always liked to pick a random station to wake up to because it keeps the mind alert and fresh, since it is a new sound. so before sleeping every night, i would just flip the dial a little and see what the next day offered (making sure, of course, that the station wasn’t just static). kbcs had me wake up to some crazy, spastic jazz with huge amounts of sax and trumpet, blaring all over the place. i mean, it’s not really my type of music, but it was interesting as fuck. and that’s where i became a fan.

one of the things i actually strive hard to listen to on kbcs is “democracy now”… one of the few news stations i actually listen to. now, to be fair, “democracy now” is pretty leftist at times so the things they choose to cover might be a bit biased, but they do choose to cover things that are clear injustices within the u.s. government. i’d encourage everyone to head on over to democracynow.org and listen to at least one of their daily reports. the news they cover is global, and it is interesting. i like it so much i generally try to leave work at 5 so i can catch “democracy now” in the way home from work.

but kbcs is not limited to politics, really. they also have community affairs programming right after “democracy now,” and there are a few variations. the one i like the most — “voices of diversity” — is one where they pick a topic and then speak to various community members about it. i’ve only been listening to kbcs for… let’s see… i’d say a little more than half a year… but there have been a handful of topics which have significantly made an impact on me or have made me think. there are probably more but here is a short list::

HIV/AIDS:
the first time i listened to this particular community program, they had an on-air discussion about hiv/aids, and one of the interviewers of the program felt obligated to continuously ask the (local) individuals affected with hiv/aids what kind of stigmas they faced. over and over and over again. i wrote them an email mentioning how inappropriate i felt this was. and i got a response. you would never get this at another kind of radio station… possibly not even at kexp. here is the original letter to them:

Hi,

I like that you had an hour-long talk on HIV/Aids in the Seattle community today for “voices of diversity”, but I feel as though the questions asked were actually unproductive and seemed judgmental, as opposed to being constructive.

About 5 or 6 questions were targeted towards stigma (question after question basically rephrasing the same idea, “what kind of stigma does those with hiv/aids face?” in the first half hour I listened to. Only ONE of these questions asked what we can DO about erasing that stigma.

I feel that the heavy concentration on the stigma of HIV/Aids is intimidating to individuals WITH HIV and would contribute to their fear of disclosure. The concentration on the stigma was not useful to those WITHOUT hiv/aids either. The focus should have been focused on how to ERASE stigma, cause everyone knows the kind of stigma people would face. That’s like asking, “why are people racist?” – everyone knows the reasons to a degree… fear, misunderstanding, lack of education, etc. Not everyone knows how to erase that stigma, which is the important part. That part, however, took a backseat on the show and was not the focus at all.

It wasn’t until Anya from Lifelong came on that there was actually a change in the questioning that actually focused on how to erase the stigma. I feel like by the 6th question+ (more than a half hour into the show), the fact that people with HIV/aids face a ton of stigma had already been bashed into people’s heads… and introducing ways to erase that stigma by now is just kind of… late.

This was my first time listening to the show and I found the line of questioning extremely disappointing and not at all sympathetic, but more antagonistic. The beginning of the second half definitely seemed better and more constructive, but I hope this is not the way questioning is with every episode.

I’m still a fan of kcbs though!

and the original response:

Dear Vivian,
Thank you so much for your feedback about the recent episode of Voices of Diversity. My name is Callie Shanafelt, I’m the executive producer of the show. It’s great to hear your perspective. I definitely see what you are saying. We do a lot of shows that are focused on the solution to a problem, but I can see how this one we kind of missed the mark. KBCS is a volunteer run station. Most of our producers are learning how to make great radio, so this feedback is great to help us learn how to do better next time. I will pass this onto the producer of the show. I hope that you will continue to listen to the show. I also would like to encourage you to call in if you are listening and feel this way in the future. Would have been great to get a call from a listener who said “yeah ok, there’s stigma, but what do we do about it?”.

Take care,
Callie

MEDIA CONSOLIDATION:
as a member of the indie press media consolidation is a pretty big deal to me. what is media consolidation? it is allowing the major media outlets to own up more and more of the airwaves and newspapers. they are limited to a certain percentage, and the higher the percentage they are limited to, the more difficult a time stations like kbcs would have existing. it’s a big deal to anyone who cares about getting diverse media and anyone who doesn’t just like hearing news from “the man.” but had it not been for kbcs, i would have never really heard about the issue, period. i never heard about it in the states outside of kbcs, and the only time i heard about it otherwise was on bbc news in taiwan. i mean, why WOULD the big news media outlets in the u.s. want you to know that the community is fighting against media consolidation and the FCC is for it? they wouldn’t. and they don’t. but yeah, this particular issue bothered me so much that i actually called into kbcs, which was a nerve-wracking first. this was for their show, “voices of diversity.” CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT IT.

ISRAEL/PALESTINE CONFLICT:
CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT IT.

down down down down.

money makes everything in life such a tricky situation.

i’m sad — kucinich is out of the race. not that he had a chance to begin with, but who am i going to vote for now? i rather side with ron paul on a lot of things but a lot of other things i don’t agree with him on at all. but if it’s ron paul vs. clinton or obama, i’d definitely vote paul.

as far as a democratic nominee goes, i think i’d actually vote edwards, but i don’t think that he really has a chance, either. le sigh. nor do i know if he’s honest, but i do know that clinton and obama are bickering little kids.

every night when i’m leaving work these days, i listen to democracynow.org — the war and peace report, with amy goodman!

as much as i love democracynow, it’s highly depressing… today’s show is talking about the first guard who spoke out about the torture @ abu-graib… yesterday’s talked with palestine and israeli journalists about what’s happening on the gaza strip right now, where palestinians are getting OWNED. and the americans are supporting them. and so are all the democratic candidates, with the exception of formerly kucinich and presently paul (and perhaps smaller people, like gravel).

now, what is going on in palestine is practically genocide… so… what about it could POSSIBLY be alright with american politicians?? and they’re not the only one.

israelis are blockading the gaza strip and the palestinians are starving and such. yesterday, about 2,000 palestinians went on their own accord to egypt to get food, diesel, and electricity. initially, the egyptian military shot upon those people — who were generally women and children. but then, as more and more came, they let them in temporarily just so they could purchase food and supplies. they are without electricity, food, and medicine in the gaza strip. but unfortunately, egypt is on the side of the israeli’s, and as of today, they will be closing their borders to palestinians once again.

here is how much land palestinians have lost through the years (click to open bigger). you will see the gaza strip in the leftish portion of the map.

so…
how is this okay?
how is no one concerned?

perhaps they are both to blame but who are we to arm israel? we shouldn’t even be paying attention. we shouldn’t be arbitrarily choosing a winner. the united states’ arming of other countries — iraq, israel — is such a huge cause of all of the world’s turmoil yet we continue to do it. why why why. why.

but the worst thing is… what can we do? people are speaking out about this… people write about it non-stop… but nothing happens. nothing gets done. we are powerless. the issues never end. the injustice never stops. it’s all just so depressing. it really is.